Sunday, October 14, 2007

I'm Back!!

So, I haven't forgotten you all. I have been very neglectful of all of my friends here at blogger. I don't really have much in the way of excuses..some health issues, holidays, etc...
I hope you all had a wonderful holiday filled with family and friends and laughter. Mine was nice and quiet, but still very good all arounds.
I'll get you up to speed on my exciting and wonderful life...zzzzzz!
Actually, the most exciting thing I must tell you about is the addition to our family. Poppy has a new husband! We are trying to breed her and we went to our 'bird man' and he had a 2 year old male lovebird, a good breeder. We picked him up the week before Christmas. I must admit, I was a little nervous about putting another male in with Poppy, considering her record. But our 'bird man' assured us that he could hold his own with her. Within a very short time, they were cuddling and kissing! Holly and I were shocked. What's up with our little 'war' bird? Was she lonely all this time? Maybe even rehabilitated?! She is totally in love with him. We named him Bailey, the same name as her late husband. Why, you may wonder, would we call him this? Well, the poor late Bailey wasn't alive long enough for us to get this name out of our system and we have absolutely no imagination. Besides, we are continuously told to recycle and we wanted to do our part. Anyway, Bailey is absolutely gorgeous! He's a deep emerald green with a deep red head, face and chest. On his tail, he has a gorgeous peacock blue colour with some red and black streaks. He still doesn't trust us, so I haven't been able to get any pictures of him yet to put on the blog, but I will as soon as I can. Before Bailey, Poppy would make so much noise, well, some days I thought she'd look good on the rotisserie...but since Bailey's arrival, they are very quiet. They whisper into each other's ears. I think they are both planning our deaths at this point. Since we are very anxious to have babies, every time I walked by the cage, I'd tell them to get 'banging'...if you know what I mean. Holly and I were toying with the idea of taking pictures of Tequila in some compromising positions and hanging them in Poppy and Bailey's know...a little birdie porn to give them an incentive. Tequila refused to participate, saying he wasn't just a piece of meat. Killjoy!
Anyway, Christmas Eve, Holly is walking by the pantry and she says, 'Mom, the birds are banging! I jumped out of my chair and so did hubby. So, there we were, the three of us, watching the poor birds going at it hot and heavy. I thought to myself...nothing says Happy Holidays quite like spying on your birds mating! Since then, we've caught them a few times at it. Hubby says they've turned into nymphos...I say Hubby's just jealous! He agrees!
The result? There's an egg! I'm so excited. But Poppy isn't spending a lot of time sitting on it, so I'm a bit worried. I'll keep you posted... Also, if it hatches, I promise to take lots of pictures of the little tyke as it grows.
New pictures of Scarlett, for all of you that are interested. She is so beautiful! I miss her so much. She has 2 teeth now and is working on her next one.
I've been having a lot of problems with my eyes. Went to my eye specialist and he's sending me to another specialist. I think I have detached retinas, which will mean operations to try to save my sight. But, not to worry folks, that won't stop me from posting on here. I am an expert typist and don't need to see the keyboard. But my eyes always feel strained and I have a blank spot in my right eye and huge 'floaters' in my left eye. The biggest floater started out looking like a I was complaining about the dragon in my eye for weeks...then it began to look more like the 'road runner' and I complained about that for, it looks like a sperm. I don't believe it's a viable sperm, but it's a sperm, non the less. Now I complain about the sperm in my eye...nobody listens anymore...sigh...

I asked Hubby, if I go blind, does this mean I can have a big dog? He said no, that we would have 'Stevie' fitted for a halter and he can be my seeing eye bunny. That's all well and good, but Stevie is blind! He will probably lead me right into a ditch. Could be fun!
Well, that's all the news that's fit to print, folks. I'll keep you posted on all news.

Tory and the Seven Dwarfs....

As you can tell from the title of this particular blog, today's subject is of a sensitive nature...namely, hemorrhoids. I know, I've read so much on the subject lately, it's like they're the new 'Brittany'! But it's an important subject that should be talked about more often. On the list of important subjects, it should be somewhere between...'Are Micheal and Janet Jackson really the same person?' and 'if we combine all the wax, collectively, from all of our ears, could it be used as a fossil fuel?'
A few years ago, I had hemorrhoids. OMG...painful!!! It's not something that one can complain about, out loud, like a cold or a headache. I had to suffer in silence when in public. Of course, at home I moaned constantly about them, sitting on only one of my two cheeks, knees crossed to give 'the seven dwarfs' more room to elbow their way around. It was like sitting on a very lumpy whoopee cushion, sans noise...well, except for the moaning. Not from the '7 dwarfs', but from me.
It's not like I could tap someone on the shoulder, sitting in front of me at church and say, 'Pray for me, when I 'pass wind', I cry!'
Some days were worse than others, but at the end, I just could hardly take the pain from them anymore. Laying on your side, cheeks spread, praying that they may be able to help take the pain away. Then I gave up on my friends and went to the Dr. about it. Then to the surgeon. They say that a hemorrhoid operation is one of the most painful operations you can have, but the post-op pain was nothing compared to the pain pre-op! I'm glad I had it done.
There, now I've brought the subject out into the open, feel free to talk amongst yourselves about it.
You're welcome!!
Take care,

Sunday, October 07, 2007

A Thanksgiving Disappointment....

Well, the bad news is that Ashley called on Monday and said they were having transmission trouble and couldn't come down. Hubby was very disappointed as he has not seen Scarlett yet. Sigh... I miss all my babies, including the adult ones.
On top of that, It has been extremely hot in our apartment because of the warm fall we're having. Far too hot to cook a turkey, so we are having pizza for our Thanksgiving dinner. Sigh...
Just one of those weeks, where you'd like to just stay in bed and eat bon-bons, er..if I had bon-bons...but I don't...sigh...
To top it off, I have a hole in my ankle about the size of a dime that's been there for about 3 months, which is a bummer for a diabetic. Used the cream the Dr. gave me, but nothings helping it. It's getting bigger...sigh...Well, if I end up having to get my leg cut off, I will get a hollow prosthesis so I don't have to carry a purse anymore. I could fill it with everything I would need for an outing (like Vodka!) and I would decorate it with..I don't know...stickers? Maybe fly tape..or how about lovely wallpaper? Ooh, I know, pictures of my grandchildren!!! Let me know if you guys have any suggestions.
OMG, hubby has put on an Elvis movie...sigh. Could the week get any worse?
Hope your week has been better, friends.
Take care

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Back Again...

I really suck at posting lately. Just not much happening these days.
Had my eye operation yesterday morning. It went fine. I feel fine today. You would never know they cut a piece of my eyeball out. I was actually thinking that if she cut too deep all the jelly would shoot out of my eye and my eyeball would deflate like a grape, but no. Nothing that exciting happened. Now to wait for the results. I can't say I worry about this stuff, cause I just don't. I'm either really cool or just really dense.
So, is it me, or has the world gone crazy lately?? O.J., Paris, Brittany, ('Leave Brittany alone...sob, sob.') I'm sorry, but I just don't care. Is the world so short of real life stories that we have to tolerate all this crap all the time. I haven't heard Darfur mentioned in awhile. Did they get over all the problems there already? The elections in the U.S. aren't going to be done for another year, but we have to listen to Hilary Clinton endlessly...why?
Anyway, did you hear that Brittany is fighting to keep her kids by going out to the nearest bar she can find, even though the judge told her to stop her boozing and carousing. Did anyone ever think that they may be holding parenting classes in these establishments?? No, we insist on judging her. Again...'Leave Brittany alone!!!..sob.' And, Holy Cow, did you catch her big 'comeback' on the VMA awards?? I did, but honestly I don't know why I did, since I don't even know what 'VMA' stands for!!
Ya, I need a life...why am I enjoying O.J's recent problems so much. Why do I sit with my popcorn, screaming at the T.V., 'Hang the bastard!!'? I really want to be on the jury for his trial and when nobody is looking, make a throat cutting gesture to him every time he looks at me. Then deny it if anyone asks. Is his next book going to be titled, 'If I Did Break Into A Hotel Room And Hold Someone At Gunpoint, This Is How I'd Do It.'
I don't even know what to say about Lindsey Lohan, except maybe, please put on some underwear! Or is that Brittany? Whatever!
Anyway, have a great week-end everyone!
Take Care

Friday, September 07, 2007 eye!!

Well, my iritis is back with a vengence! That makes it hard for me to be on the computer, but I wanted to post anyway. I've missed you guys.
Not really anything earthshattering to report. My eye operation has been postponed until the 27th of Sept., so I have that to looke forward to. I'm not concerned about it at all though.
Paverotti has died this week. I hope it won't sound too crass if I mention that they will probably have to bury his eye brows seperately. They seemed to have a life of their own!
Poppy laid 4 eggs while I was on holiday and we left her to sit on her 'dead kids' as Holly so nicely puts it, for 3 weeks. If we took them out too soon she would feel compelled to lay more. I imagine Poppy suddenly regretted killing her husband while contimplating this as she sat on those 'dud' eggs. See Poppy, men can be useful for some things! Anyway, I finally took them out of the cage yesterday. She looked for them for awhile, and gave up. I thought she would be very upset, but she got over it in less than 10 minutes. She is cold hearted. I still plan on breeding her, but I will keep the male in his own seperate cage most of the time. Can't take chances with her.
So how are you all doing? Leave me a comment and let me know.
Take care!

Saturday, September 01, 2007

Happy Labour Day, All!!

It's the long week-end folks, and off to the love nest till Tuesday or Wednesday. I will let you know how it goes.
I hope you all have a fantastic week-end and you all find your own 'love nests' with your loved ones!
Take care till then.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Sorry, Sorry, Sorry!!!

I'm finally back. So sorry it took me so long. I've been so busy. Holidays were blissfully non eventful. Just hung out at the Love Nest with my hunny. We didn't do much, just spent a lot of time together. laughing, bonding and singing along. O.K. maybe there was no singing, but I think that would have been nice, don't you?
Anyway, I had a birthday back in July, and I am so totally freaked out about it!!! I turned 49 years old. It didn't bother me when I turned 40 or 45, but 49?? One year away from 50!! Which Holly so kindly reminds me of every 10 minutes. Ooooh, kids!! That's O.K., Holly is anorexic, so to get her back I call her fat. Not to worry people, she's much better now.
To make matters worse, my Dr. changed the type of insulin I've been using. This stuff makes me ravenous. If you hear anything stirring in the night, it's me rifling through the fridge finding things to eat at 3 a.m. So, since starting this insulin, I have been gaining weight. And believe me, I wasn't exactly slim to start out with. My underwear have gotten so tight, my hips are numb.
It all came to a head last night when I stepped out of the shower and saw my reflection in the mirror. I have the profile of Alfred Hitchcock....don't laugh, it's true. I have a beard growing suddenly that could compare to any Mennonite. It's not that my hair is falling out and getting thin, it's just that it's being redirected to my chin. So, I've taken to plucking constantly. However, I swear that when I pull one hair out of my chin, three disappear from the top of my head. My stomach has turned into an apron and my knees have grown together!
Diet and exercise is out the question because I hate both. Exercise, for me, is to sit in the tub, pull the plug and fight the current. I see all those crazies who jog. If I'm jogging, it means someone is chasing me with a knife.
Ah well, life goes on.
Talk to you all soon, I promise.
Take Care

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Holiday Time At the Love Nest!!

Hubby is off for his holidays now for 2 weeks and we are leaving today for the love nest until Tuesday or so. I'll miss you all until then, but I will take lots of pictures of our adventures. Take care and be good!
Love Tory!

Monday, July 23, 2007

I Have Been A Bad Blogger!!!

I have been very lackadaisical with my blog lately. I must apologize for my long stretches with nothing written. Do you ever feel like you simply don't have anything to write about? That's been me lately. Nothing new, nothing exciting...nothing. That's my life these days...boring. Therefore I am a boring person. I feel boring..and bored. Just one of those things I guess. Hopefully, this little stage will soon pass and I'll be back to my old blogging self. Maybe something exciting will happen this week in my, Paris Hilton will give me a buzz and ask me to go partying with her. Hopefully we won't wear the same outfit..or..the Pope will call for some spiritual advise. Maybe Lumpy will learn to read this week or Tequila will learn french. Anything!
I'll keep you all posted, should any of this happen.
Take Care!

Friday, July 13, 2007

I've Been Tagged....Thank You Abbagirl.

1. I have to post these rules before I give you the facts.

2. Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.

3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.

4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.

5. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

Fact #1: I used to teach a woman's bible study group once a week and the adult Sunday school at my church.

Fact #2: If you're a guy and you think you can get away with hitting one of my daughters, you'll find this old lady is pretty good at kicking ass. (Been there, done that, broke my foot on his stupid ass! But when I was through with him, he ran away like a little girl and never came

Fact #3: I love to sing. Took lessons for years but too shy to sing in front of anyone except at church with a group.

Fact #4: I'm very proud of my kids. Ashley is half way through her social work program at college and once Holly is done school, she's going into the seminary to become a pastor. (Mind you, a crazy pastor with piercings!! I love it..)

Fact #5: Did not find true love until I was 43 years old, even though I was married to Fang for nearly 20 years before that.

Fact #6: I'm writing a book about my crazy, mixed up life and I'm nearly done with the rough draft.

Fact #7: I have never been interested or tried drugs until my mother talked me into it a few times when I was young. I hated it and haven't done any since.

Fact #8: I would have to say that right now is the happiest time in my life so far.

O.k. Now it's time to tag 8 people...I tag Keith, Newt, Moonrat, Michgib, Tink, Bubbles, Pipe Tobacco, and Andrew. Have fun people and I look forward to reading your facts.

Tomorrow we leave for the 'Love Nest' so I will be back to my blog by Tuesday. Have a great weekend everyone!

Thursday, July 12, 2007

I'm Finally Back...thanks for your patience!!

Hi everyone. So sorry I was gone for so long. At the last minute I decided to stay at the 'love nest' on my own for a few days. I kind of enjoyed being on my own for a change but that quickly got old and I missed my hubby being there. It's almost too quiet when you're by yourself. Sigh...the love nest just isn't the same without my love being there with me.
I put some garbage outside to put in the shed and a little while later I noticed something moving outside on the lawn. It was a gopher and he kept standing up and sniffing in the direction of the garbage. 'Oh no you don't'. He was so cute and must have stayed in the yard for a full 15 minutes, giving me time to have a good look at him. We also have some little red squirrels that are so adorable. I broke up some white bread and threw it around the deck for them. A little while later I heard a knock on the door and one of the squirrels was standing there with the bread in his hand. He demanded that from now on I need to put out multigrain bread, as he is trying to watch his figure. Fine. and so...
Hubby finally showed up on Sunday and I was so happy to see him. Let's face it, gophers are not generally known for their conversational skills. They tend to only want to talk about themselves. It gets tiresome.
We piled into the car and went for dinner in a nearby town. We had a great time, and dinner was excellent.
I was especially grateful that Hubby was there that night as a huge storm came up, the most severe storm I had ever witnessed since I was 4 years old and was in a hurricane. It was very close to tornado speed winds. There was a clap of thunder so loud that it shook the whole trailer. I knew something close had been hit. We were watching it out of the patio door and I noticed that the tree directly in front of the deck, which is at least 200 ft. tall, was swaying back and forth! No, not the branches, the actual trunk! If it fell, it could possibly crush our trailer. We decided to get into the car and head out to the front of the park where there weren't as many trees. We sat at the front for awhile and it seemed to be easing off, but on the drive back, the wind picked up again and it began to hail. I was afraid that it would come through the windshield! While driving, we found the source of the big crack of lightening. A huge tree had been hit a street behind our trailer and was laying on the ground. It took a long time for the wind to settle down enough for us to go back in the trailer. I was so grateful Hubby was there and I didn't have to go through that alone. I don't know what I would have done as the trailer park is almost empty on a Sunday night.
I see that Holly hi-jacked my blog while I was away. Actually, I told her to let you all know that I was staying for the week. Thank you for your know..the Darren Hayes pix! She's crazy about him and it was a thrill for her to see him in concert.
Thanks for all of your comments while I was gone. Abbagirl, thanks for the tag and I will work on it this afternoon.
Take care all and I'm glad to be back.

Friday, July 06, 2007

Hello Everyone!
I'm Holly. My mom just wanted me to come on and tell everyone that she decided to stay at the trailer for a few extra days. She says she will be home on tuesday.
Since she isn't here (and can't do anything about it!) i should take over her blog and write something....hmmm......... I can't think of anything to say.

A few weeks ago, I went to see a Darren Hayes concert. You may know him better as the led singer of the group Savage Garden (yes, he is still around!). I'm such a loser but HE TOUCHED MY HAND!! Anyways, I'll post some pix of the concert.

I guess that's all I have to say. My mom will be on next week to tell you guys what's new with her. (and will hopefully have more interesting stories!) Bye!

Friday, June 29, 2007

Sorry For The Lull...

So sorry guys, I know you all must feel neglected I haven't posted in so long. I have had an eye infection and it makes it impossible to look at the puter screen. I go for an operation at the end of August to remove a lump from my left eye. Not to worry, I'm sure it will be fine.
Tomorrow we go to the love nest until Tuesday. I'm looking forward to the peace and quiet.
I promise I will do a proper post either Tuesday or Wednesday. I wish you all a happy Canada Day and a great long weekend.

Saturday, June 16, 2007

I'm Back!!

Well we finally made it back. Our train arrived yesterday in Toronto at around 4p.m. Holly and I were glad to be back as neither of us likes to travel too much, but we had a wonderful time at Ashley's. Scarlett is such an easy baby to take care of, she's no trouble at all. I miss them already and cried all the way to the train station. I'm such a sap. I can't tell you how much I hated to leave that precious baby knowing that the next time I see her she will be a different kid.
But we'll be going up in August and I can't wait to hold her again.
Of course, I had a great time with my other two grandchildren. They are so smart and so much fun. Such good kids, but that doesn't happen by accident. Ashley and Rob are wonderful parents, very involved and present. I'm so proud of them.
We will be going up to our love nest tomorrow for a rest. I feel like I need it. It will be relaxing.
I want to take this opportunity to thank all my readers for the lovely comments while I was away. I appreciate each and every one of them. You guys are the best!
Talk to you later.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

She's Finally Here!!!

Let me introduce you all to the new addition to our family...Scarlett Asia..5lbs. 10oz. Healthy and wonderful...born at 12:30p.m. Monday June 11, 2007. Mother and baby doing fine. Ashley was so brave through it all; I was so proud of her. She went through hell, but Scarlett is gorgeous. She has a very deep cleft on her chin al la Kirk Douglas and is very bright and alert. Nanny's in love with this little bundle.
Thanks for all the encouragement guys, it's been wonderful. Will put pictures up so you can see her a.s.a.p.
Take care all.

Friday, June 08, 2007

We've Arrived!!

We're here and have found my daughter well and still pregnant. Thank goodness we didn't miss the event. We have been enjoying our time together and we're having a grand time with the kids.
We had a great train ride up. Bought a coffee and spilled it all down my new white shirt, of course. Holly says it's like traveling with a 2 year old.
I'll keep you all posted, pardon the pun!!
Take care all.

Monday, June 04, 2007

Around the World in 80 Days...well..not really.

So, on Saturday night I get a tearful call from my eldest daughter, Ashley. 'Mom, I think I'm in labour!' 'Nooo!' I yell into the phone. 'You can't do that yet, I'm not there!' My heart dropped. Oh Lord, don't let it happen without me. I have already missed the birth of my first grandchild and saw the birth of my second. I do not want to miss another. I then learned she had overdone it cleaning during the day. I told her to sit and put her feet up and don't move. Let's see what happens. I then called her every forty-five minutes to check on her. Thank goodness, the pain went away..just that rascal 'Taylor Hicks' again! However, she says it doesn't feel like she can hold out for too much longer, so Holly and I change our plans and are leaving tomorrow. I can't wait to see my babies, daughter and wonderful son-in-law. He and I have planned some fishing trips together. That between seeing babies being born.
So, I have a lot to do today, but I can still keep you posted while I'm away.
God Bless you all and take care

Saturday, June 02, 2007

This One's For You Mitchgib!

I love it so much when you guys leave me comments. I guess as bloggers, that's what we live for. Knowing that someone took time out of their day to read our ramblings and then took more time to write a comment, well, let's just say it makes our day, doesn't it?
Yesterday mitchgib asked about the 'love nest'. I would be happy to tell you all about it as it is my 'special' place. We live in a city just outside of Toronto. As a matter of fact, I can see the CN Tower outside my window. It would take us maybe 15 - 20 minutes to get there. I was used to living in the country for 20 years and never thought I'd ever move to a city again. But after I left Fang, I had to move to the city as I didn't drive...well, if you've read my blog you know they just won't let me drive. Anyway, when I met my new and improved hubby about 5 years ago, he owned a trailer up north, about 1 and 1/2 hours drive away. It's in a wonderful trailer park practically in the middle of nowhere. When we were dating, we would go there often and it was like a piece of heaven to me. I hate living in the city and still can't get used to it. I'm absolutely OCD about the noises, the smells, the pollution and too many people around! So when hubby and I go up north, I can actually feel the stress melting from me on the drive up. It just so happens that the park is right across the street from a golf course, with a restaurant where we go for breakfast. The trailer park itself has a beautiful in ground pool and a club house where every Saturday night one of the people at the park dj's a dance, which is a lot of fun. They provide snacks and you bring your own bottle. The park itself is a co-op and is run by the members themselves. They also have bingo night and coffee time. Once a year the members have a big garage sale which is great and mostly everyone participates. A lot of the people who are in the park have been there for like 20 or 30 years! Hubby knows most of the people there because he's been there over 20 years himself. Each member owns the property their trailer is on.
Now for our trailer itself. Most times when you think of a trailer, you think small, cramped and tacky. Some of the trailers at our park are gorgeous. Big and beautiful. Our trailer is nice too. Just the right size. It has two good sized bedrooms and a full bathroom with tub. The kitchen and the dining room and living room are one big room. Enough counter space to cook anything, full size fridge and stove. And, my favorite feature...air conditioning! It's light and airy with lots of windows. A very cheerful atmosphere. When I wake in the morning to the sounds of the of all the beautiful birds I could cry. I miss this type of thing so much. I have a raccoon that I leave an egg for on the deck in front of the patio doors and I watch as he comes for it. Sometimes I look out and see bunnies sitting in the yard! I have actually been known to wake up hubby at 6 in the morning to look at an unusual bird! He doesn't care for some reason, but he always humours me, and never gets mad.
And to top it all off, we're a stone's throw from the beach, and great fishing.
So I hope you get a picture of my little peace of heaven on earth. It's all about the quiet, the peace I get from being surrounded by nature and spending some good quality time with my favorite hubby.
So, Michelle, I hope you get a place like this of your own. It makes life just that much better.

Friday, June 01, 2007

Where Everybody Knows Your Name

Apparently my life as a domestic goddess is over. I'm sitting here in the middle of what could only be described as a really bad garage sale. My house is a mess! Even the fruit flies are complaining! How did this happen? Oh, it's been so hot here and our air conditioning doesn't get turned on in the building until today. I have done nothing in the house for days. I'm leaving next Friday or Saturday to go to my daughter's and I have so much to do, so I decided to write on my blog for as long as possible to avoid stuff.
The dust bunnies have turned into tumbleweeds, and the dishes are crying out in the sink. Trust me people, you don't want to have to listen to your dishes crying out. It's a sad sound.
I caught Heffer reading the newspaper in the bottom of his cage the other day. When I went over to see what he was reading, he ran to the other end of his cage. It's then that I noticed he was looking in the classified section under 'furnished cages for rent.'
This is something new for me. My house was always spotless when I was with Fang. Fang was very neat it really made me wonder of he was gay. My current, new and improved hubby is kind of messy. It's probably his only flaw.
So before I leave for my trip, I must clean the house, get my hair and nails done, figure out what hubby will be eating while I'm gone....but first I'd better have a nap.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Of This and That

So, I'm back from our 'love nest'. Had a great time, so lovely and quiet there.
Some sad news...we lost a member of our little family. Poor Lucy suddenly had large lumps all over her body and she died. I believe it was cancer. They were everywhere. She will be sadly missed by all of us. Poor Holly was very sad about it, so I told her we'd get another one after the summer. She agreed. We loved you Lucy! Now, what is protocol here? Do I leave her pictures up? Take them down?? Maybe I'll leave them and write a memoriam to her. And of course, when we get a new hamster, I will introduce you to him/her.
As I do on every trip home from the love nest, I say good-bye to everything as we pass it in the car. (Like a 2 year old!) It usually goes, 'Good bye trailer, good bye pool that's not open yet, good bye golf club, good bye golf carts, good bye golf club restaurant....and so on. My husband must have the patience of a saint, as this can go on for quite awhile before I'm not amused anymore. He sits there quietly listening for the longest time, and today, he suddenly quips, 'good bye freshly paved driveway', as we drove by one. I was surprised that he's as big a freak as I am. He used to be the sane one in the family. After that, it was just huge fields on either side of the car, so I started...'good bye blade of grass!' Hubby says, 'This will take awhile.' 'Good bye blade of grass,...good bye blade of grass,' then I fell silent. Hubby looked over at me, 'You're only saying good bye to 3 blades of grass?' 'Yes,' I pouted, 'I'm not speaking to the rest of them. I'm mad at them,...they know who they are! You can never truly trust grass.'
Sometimes it just floors me how well my hubby puts up with my nonsense. It's not like it's something I do just once in awhile..It's constant. I think if it were anyone else, they would have bitch slapped me by now. I'm so lucky.

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Away Away....

Leaving tomorrow for the love nest. So, no postings for a few days. However, the minute I get back I will be blogging...blogging is my life...
I'll miss u all
Take Care

Friday, May 25, 2007

A Meme From Abbagirl From Her Blog: Wheel

I've never been 'tagged' for a meme before, actually never heard of it until a few days ago while reading other blogs. As soon as I discovered them, I was, downright jealous! I can meme. Nobody ever asked me to meme for them. Why God...why?
This morning, reading Abbagirl's blog, which is the best blog ever, she had a meme which she passed on to anyone that wanted it. I grabbed it with both hands and ran out of that blog as fast as my fat legs could carry me. Thanks Abbagirl!

1 ) What time is it?
8:09 a.m.

2 ) What was the last thing you had to eat?

3 ) What is your favorite television program?
House and Dr. Phil

4) You can travel anywhere in the world; one destination per day from Friday through Monday; where do you go?
Friday- England
Saturday - Hawaii
Sunday- Egypt
Monday - Australia

5 ) Who's your favorite character from a cartoon or comic strip?
Pinky and the Brain

6 ) What would you like for breakfast?
Coffee and eggs benedict

7 ) Who is the first public figure that comes to mind that you think is attractive.
Jason Morgan from 'Days of our Lives'. Don't know his real name.

8 ) Who, outside your family and God, has had the greatest impact on your life?
A pastor I used to have named Willard. He taught me so much about myself, and about God.

9 ) You retrieve a bottle from the water. What does the message say that you find inside.
'Do you want fries with that?' signed by a young whipper-snapper who works at McDonald's.

10) What movies do you select (limit of six) for a one day film festival.
Gone with the Wind, Dances with Wolves, Mrs. Miniver, From Here to Eternity, Dark Victory and Ace Ventura: Pet Detective.

11) Do you have a hobby? If so, what is it? If not, what do you think would be of interest to you?
Blogging, painting, reading, crocheting, and I'd like to get into photography...if I could figure out how to use the digital camera.

12) Given the opportunity to travel back in time, when would your destination be?
About 30 a.d. Jerusalem or there abouts. Following Jesus around like a stalker!

13) Vietnam gave us China Beach. M.A.S.H came from the Korean War. What will the name of the television series be that results from our current state of military affairs?
Jihad Jubilee

14) What is the last book you read?
Nights of Rain and Stars by Maeve Binchy

15) What 5 people do you meet in heaven?
Jesus, Moses, my grandma, Paul and Churchill (how do u spell that??)

16) What 5 people do you visit in hell?
The ex..Fang, my mother, Hitler, Saddam Hussein, Bin Laden. (only I wouldn't visit them)

17) What's the first thing that come to mind when you see the word pleasure?
I would have to agree with Abbagirl on this one. Estee Lauder's 'Pleasure' is my absolute favorite. My husband's too!

18) Eliminating price and availability as considerations, what 6 things do you put on your list when you go grocery shopping?
Milk, whole grain bread, water, veggies, meat and chicken.

19) What's your favorite non-blog related link?
Forward Motion writers site.

20) What will the title of your life story be?
I'm actually working on my memoirs right now and the working title is..'When Angels Have Wings'. But I'm not sure yet.

21) What 3 people alive today would you like to have join you for dinner?
President G. Bush and his wife Laura, Don Cherry.

22) What candle scent do you find most pleasing?
Ginger citrus

23) What question would you suggest I include the next time we play this game.
I'm with Abbagirl again on this one...5 favorite blogs to read.

I will also leave this open to anyone who's inclined to do it. Thanks abbagirl! That was fun.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Can I Live in the Parking Garage???

It is only noon and already it is unbearably hot here. I hate this time of purgatory where the apartment heating is still blasting and it's 25C outside. I'm sitting in my own puddle...I'm melting..melting.. O.K., I'm over it.
My pregnant daughter has been having false labour a lot these days. Good old braxton hicks. I just heard my hubby tell his mother that Ashley is having 'Taylor Hicks!!' Had to explain to him the other day what a mucus plug was. He knows nothing about pregnancy. Too funny!
Holly has insisted that we bond by watching T.V. together. Why? She ruins my cooking shows for me. Points out how disgusting the chefs are. Things I never noticed before, she points out and then it drives me crazy! Go away, non-cooking demon-seed! Spawn of Satin...
Anyhoo, Bunny said Holly was bugging her too and could I please get Holly out of her room. She suggested the linen closet. I'm afraid it's going to come down to an intervention between Holly and myself and all of the pets. Well, except for Poppy, cause she'll just suggest that we all die and solve the problem completely.
I bought Poppy a new toy yesterday. A little mirror with a bell. She has tried to destroy it since I put it in. She has her eye on that birdie in the mirror. I was hoping this would distract her from her master plan for awhile. If you're wondering why I don't give Tequila any toys...he's afraid of them. Won't go near them. The only thing he will play with on his perch are drinking straws. He's also afraid of most greens. Runs away from them. O.K.
I just found out that Donny Osmond will be coming on tour fairly close to our area. Yippee! Don't make fun of me, I love him and always have! Last time he came, I had two tickets. Took Holly up and down Toronto looking for a fake I.D. for her because Donny was playing at a Casino. Finally found one for her for $35. She was apparently visiting us from Flint, Michigan. Made her practice her address and date of birth over and over again. Took the long bus ride to the casino, and security wasn't sure about her I.D. Crap!!! Wouldn't let her in.
Got a refund on our tickets. She said for me to go, but there was no way I was going to leave her wandering around alone outside of a casino. We went for a nice dinner and then stood outside of the stage door where I could hear Donny singing. Burst into tears, making Holly feel worse. Meanwhile, through sobs and drama, I saying 'I'm fine. Don't worry about it, honey,'....sob.
Since I left Fang, I have been telling Holly that Donny is her real father. She didn't want Fang as a father, so I obliged her. I told her Donny and I had a torrid affair and that's how she came to be. She went along with me, because, frankly, she's as nuts as I am. I announced to her the other day that her 'father' would be coming to town, and we would go to see him. She's of age now, so, not a problem anymore.
In other news, Is it just me or is the T.V. series, 24 about the same thing every year?? There's a bomb, there's the president and everyone is trying to kill Jack or CTU is arresting him. Does that not describe every season? Don't get me wrong, it's certainly well done, so well done they use the same plot every year and we buy it. So well done that, actually I don't understand it. Both hubby and Holly are crazy about this show, so I'm forced to watch it. But I can always fall back on the knowledge that there's a bomb...the president...and so on.
The other night it was the season finale. The tension was palpable. I tried not to ask too many questions because they get very emotional around here. I'll never forget asking, 'Who's he?' Everyone yelled at me at once. Sorry...They felt I should have known that was Jack! Gee, I wonder what it's going to be about next season?!
On to the next topic. Forget about the year of the dog! In my house it is the year of the fruit fly. Because of all the small animals we have, we have a continuous problem with fruit flies. Every couple of months we put all the animals into one room and spray the whole house, but they always come back. I have no idea how I can get rid of this problem, except to get rid of my babies and that's not going to happen. So, we contend with them as best we can.
Poor Lumpy is very popular with them. I'll look in on him and he'll have a few sitting on his back and head, like he's a subway or something.
Some of the fruit flies are old enough that they actually have walkers and are complaining we have no prune juice. My hubby said that one of them introduced him to her grandchildren. We call them 'Lumpy's friends'. I've actually started to name them. Henry flew into my eye the other day, said excuse me and moved on. At least he's polite! Some of them can be quite surly and in general they're mean drunks, I've noticed. It's a problem and I don't know how to fix it. I hate spraying that crap in the house as it's not good for any of us including the animals.
Sorry, I have to go now. Some of them are having a bar fight on the counter and I have to break it up before they destroy the place.

Monday, May 21, 2007

Release the Hounds..pigeons wouldn't cut it!

Life has been crazy the last couple of days. Hubby and I were to go up to our 'love nest' yesterday, but he has had a fever the last few days. Yesterday, when he woke up we noticed his leg was red and inflamed. I should have been a Dr., I knew it was his cellulitis acting up again. Sent him to the clinic who sent him to the hospital for I.V. antibiotics. He picked me up on the way and I went with him to keep him company.
OMG!!! I hate hospitals. It's the boredom I can't deal with, the waiting.
And we all know how hot hospitals are, so I dressed appropriately in capri's and a T shirt. It was quite cool outside but I knew I'd be in the horribly hot hospital. I nearly froze to death!! This hospital had the air conditioning on full blast. I swear I saw a dog sled team go through emergency! Luckily I was able to keep myself amused by making snow balls and hitting the sick and the lame while they weren't looking! Nothing quite says welcome to Canada like a snow ball in the back of your turbin.
Anyway, hubby gave me $20 and I hit the change machine. Then I hit the vending machines. Had about 10 drinks then spent 20 minutes looking for the bathroom. That wasted some time. Tried to read a magazine, but of course, I forgot my glasses. Could hardly see the magazine, never mind the print.
Finally, they called hubby in and we were told to go into a room where there was already a woman in one of the beds. Hubby got into the second bed. The woman was eating lunch and it smelled really terrible.
More waiting. I wanted to scream. Can't stand being bored. Finally, I just couldn't sit there anymore. Took the instruments off of the wall and starting looking into my hubby's eye's and ears. Yup, they were still there, in my professional opinion. After tiring of that, I began to rifle through all of the drawers and cupboards in the room. I remember at one point looking over at the woman in the other bed and she was sitting there looking aghast that I would do such a thing. 'C'mon live a little, Lady!' I thought. So, I continued my rifling. Oooh, rape kits! I looked at hubby and thought better of it. He's a sport, but let's not push it. Then I looked at the lady...maybe not.
Finally, the Dr. came. He was the youngest Dr. I'd ever seen. As a matter of fact, he came in the room on a skateboard and kept his stethescope in his book bag. They hooked him up to the I.V. It was all said and done after half an hour and we were free.
I called Holly to let her know what was going on. 'I have something for you.' I said. 'Ooh, is it food?' She sucks as an anorexic! 'No,' I said, 'better. Hospital/Michael Jackson masks for our trip to see your sister!' She was thrilled, which is kind of wierd. She has a fear of getting other people's germs. She said that when she's on the train, if anyone looks at her funny with her mask on, she'll tell them she's very ill and make them feel bad for thinking she's just strange, even though she is. This should be a fun trip.
Anyway, hubby goes in for another I.V. today and that should set him right.
Have a good weekend everyone.

Friday, May 18, 2007

Life Can Be So Unfair....

It's that time again. You know, where my poor readers have to listen to me whine! I know you love it!!
O.K. picture this. Me standing in front of my hubby while he's trying to watch T.V., shouting, 'Do you realize if you die, I will never be able to eat pickles, mayonnaise, or horseradish again? As a matter of fact, I will never be able to drink again unless I just drink from the tap!'
What brought this on? I'm glad you asked. I am wondering why, as I get older, I cannot open anything by myself. It's driving me crazy! I'm like a little kid. Holly open this, hubby open that. I'm in McDonald's parking lot eating in the car, like a four year old trying to open the vinegar packet and it suddenly gives and hits the guy in the car beside me! When he looks up I point to hubby and roll my eyes. Meanwhile hubby is sitting there eating, minding his own business. That's what he gets for smugly opening his vinegar packet a full 10 minutes before me.
I'm the woman who's been caught rolling around the carpet with a pop bottle in between my knees, sweating and straining to open it. Finally, I give it up and decide to call for help. I call my daughter long distance and plead, 'If hubby dies, can I come live with you?' I thought I finally solved this problem by getting those little tetris packs of juice. They were made for kids, so I should be able to handle it. But no, I either lost the straws or couldn't get them open. What?!
Oh, and don't get me started on pill bottles. These child-proof caps are also intended to kill off the old and stupid. It's the governments way of weeding out the weak. And what's all this crap about lining up the arrows on the cap? My eyesight is so bad I can hardly see my leg, never mind lining up tiny arrows.
Gee, I hope hubby wakes up soon! I'm getting thirsty! If I get too desperate before he wakes up, he's going to find me wedged into my guinea pigs cage, drinking from his little water bottle...It wouldn't be the first time! Poor Lumpy hates it when I do that! Then the inevitable fight ensues when Lumpy calls me fat. That's nervy from a guy named lumpy!
I guess I'll go now and lick the grass for dew until hubby gets up. The neighbours hate when I do this, but too bad. I'm parched.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Release The Pigeons!!

So, hubby and I were away this weekend, up north to open our summer trailer. It was so quiet it was almost deafening. I just love it up there. There are so many different birds it just makes my heart sing pigeons! Not that I actually have anything against pigeons, but compared to a nuthatch or blue jay..come on.
Monday we took a long drive with me hanging out of the car window with my camera trying to get some great shots of the beautiful scenery. I turned and took a few pics of my wonderful hubby. He actually posed for me while he was driving which was a bit disturbing. Anyhoo, when I looked at the pictures I was taking, I was really disappointed. They looked so dark I could hardly see anything. Holly, at my request, had turned off the flash feature. Hmmm, maybe I needed it after all. I fiddled with the camera for awhile but honestly, I know nothing about this digital thing. I cannot do anything except point and press the button. I mentioned it to hubby who looked at me as if I grown another head. 'What?' I asked. 'Maybe it would look brighter to you if you were to take off your sunglasses?' Don't you just resent a smart alec? Anyway, we had a wonderful weekend together in our 'love nest.'
So, last night we are watching the finale of 'America's Next Top Model'. (I know...losers!) Anyway, a commercial comes on just before they reveal the winner. I take this opportunity to harass my poor hubby on who he picks to win this thing. He replies, 'Miss J, or Tyra'. 'No, you have to pick one for real.' I cajole. Finally he gives me his pick. Silence. I know what's coming. He asks, 'Well, who do you pick?' I reply, 'I don't know!' Too funny.
My eldest daughter is getting ready to deliver her third child in June, and Holly and I are going up to be with her in 3 weeks or so. She is notorious for delivering early and we don't want to miss the birth. Holly and I have discussed this with our pets at length. The pets are not happy but I think they're beginning to accept it. Poppy says she's hoping to have her master plan formulated before our return. You know, the plan to kill us all in our sleep. Heffalump is worried daddy will forget to give him his carrots and celery. I want to make him feel more secure, so you know what this will entail. Picture me, holding a guinea pig up to my hubby's face, screaming..'Say it, say it..tell Lumpy you won't forget!' Holly and I decided it would be better if we didn't mention it to Tequila yet, but he'll probably find out because Poppy has a big mouth.
Have a good day all!

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Of Ice and Men

Right now, hockey fever has hit Canada, what with the semi-finals of the Stanley Cup playoffs. Hockey is absolutely the only sport I can actually get excited about...especially since my favorite team, the Ottawa Senators, are still in the game. My hubby has been a Toronto Maple Leaf fan his whole life, and we have a friendly, (sort of!) rivalry. I try to refrain from mentioning that his loser team hasn't won the cup for forty years, cause that would just be too easy. But I do Actually, I have always been a die hard (literally) Leaf fan since I grew up in Toronto, however, when I moved to the Ottawa area for about 15 years, and I was there when they developed an Ottawa team finally, I became an Ottawa fan.
My husband and I used to actually bet on the games when our teams were playing together! Yeah, I'd borrow $20 from him and bet $5. A girl's gotta have some pin money!! My best friend taught me this trick...she's so smart.
Now, I am anything but a sportsy kind of girl, and I was kind of spoiled with my ex-husband, Fang. He hated sports, so we never had to watch any games of any kind. Well...except the ones he played at home!
Anyway, back to the subject at hand. As I said, I just wasn't the sportsy girl. Why run around and get all sweaty when one could just call a cab??? I was the 'Paris Hilton' of gym in high school. I would do nothing, wear heels, and just keep saying, 'I'm Hot.'
Now at the beginning of my relationship with hubby #2, the new and much improved hubby, I didn't say anything when he'd put on the golf, baseball, football (American!), and, (are you kidding me?!!), tennis or curling. After a few months of this, I seriously considered gouging my own eyes out with a couple of teaspoons. I couldn't take anymore of it.
Luckily, one day as we were busily preparing for another sports event, him setting up his snacks and beer, me making a slip knot to hang myself, he was kind enough to notice as I slipped it around my neck and stood on a wobbly chair. He looked up at me and with the most sincere and loving voice, he said, 'Honey, I can't see the t.v. with you up there!'
My next thought was, if you can't beat em, join em. After all, there has to be a compromise in every relationship. Here he was, always so thoughtful towards me, spoiled me rotten, and was totally present in our relationship. I had to try harder. One day, there just happened to be both a baseball game and a football game on. We would watch both of them and hubby would explain each game. I figured the main reason that I couldn't get into it was because I just didn't understand it. Makes sense, right?
Hubby agreed to answer all my questions and explain everything to me as the games played out. First the football game.... Hubby broke the first rule we had made with the very first question I asked. The rule was he wouldn't get frustrated and have an aneurysm if I asked something he felt wasn't pertinent. My first question was simple...what's up with the stupid outfits?? Did they not realize that wearing capri's that tight are not that attractive?! Who picks the crazy colours that don't even match? Do the player's mothers get mad when they come home with that much dirt on their suit? I know I would! After all, they're on t.v., couldn't they just try and stay tidy? The only thing I found out from hubby was that he knew nothing about the clothes.
O.k. Let's move on to the baseball game... First the short-stop really short? Why don't they run the other way to those pillow things (the bases) just to make it more interesting? And the most important question of all...what the hell are they doing?? Had I known it would be this easy to discourage my hubby from watching sports, I would have asked a lot more questions in the beginning of our relationship.
But, we still enjoy watching hockey together. But have you ever noticed that in the coldest sport, the hockey players wear over sized shorts?? And what's up with the leg-warmers, held up with duct tape? They are so 80's.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Driving...I Just Don't Get It?!

People who have driven a long time make me sooo jealous. They're such show-offs. Yeah, just jump in your car and put the key in and drive backwards out of you're parking space..see if I care...Bastards!
I have been trying to learn to drive since I was 17 years old, on and off, but I just don't get it. The only time I actually went for the driving exam, the instructor asked me to drive backwards and I hit a pole. She failed me just because of that....well maybe a few other things too. I think she was just too picky. She hated me, I could tell. I asked her if she would give me my licence if I promised never to drive backwards. I swear I heard crickets chirping and she stared at me as if I had suddenly grown an extra nose. I take it that's a 'hell no'!
When we moved to the country, my ex husband, Fang (name changed to protect the stupid!), tried to teach me in the fields. I got stuck in a rut and the car suddenly burst into flames. Not my fault!! Could happen to anyone. Besides, I managed to get the kids out before they burned to death. Doesn't that make me a conscientious driver? And how am I supposed to learn if the guy teaching me is screaming and biting the dashboard. That's not helpful.
There were definite signs that I was not a driving kind of person. I tried to overlook them, but they were there.
When Fang and I first got married. we went to spend the week-end at my mothers, who was having a huge garage sale,Saturday and Sunday. Saturday morning, I was the first one up and dressed. I thought I would go out to the garage and start setting up until everyone else was ready. When I got outside, I realized my mother's car was parked in the drive way. I stood there for the longest time, figuring out how easy it would be for me to just move the car and park it right in front of the house on to the street. I could hear the cheers in my head, 'Yaa, you can do this Tory!' (Note to self, get therapy to find out why I have cheers in my head)
Anyway, I went into the house, grabbed the keys and jumped into the car. I fired it up, (which by the way, scared the daylights out of me!) put it in reverse and backed up slowly. 'O.K. Tory, just back it up slowly and when you get to the end of the driveway, turn right and back it up a few feet in front of the house.' Sounds simple. At least that's what you Bastard drivers are thinking!
Well, it wasn't. I ended up not turning fast enough, and there I was, on the wrong side of the road facing traffic. That's o.k., there was nobody around on an early Saturday morning. Now, how do I get the car to drive sideways to the curb, that was right beside me but way over there. Huh! I pulled ahead a bit then stepped on the brake, which slammed me into the horn, which scared the crap out of me. Now I'm sweating. I went on to do that about 4 times in a row. After all that, I still hadn't moved over an inch. How do they get the car to go sideways? That's all I needed to do!
I guess it was about this point that I looked up and saw the city bus in front of me. He was being a smart ass and had stopped about 6 inches from my bumper. He was giving me the evil eye as were his full bus of passengers. What to do. I can't drive if people are watching me! Bastard bus driver.
Finally, I just got out of the car and as I was squeezing by between the front of the car and the city bus, I held up my index finger and said, 'Just one minute, o.k.?' I ran into the house, where Fang was putting his shirt on. I threw him the keys and said, 'You better hurry and move the car, the bus is waiting.' Yeah, he looked puzzled. I said, 'Don't ask any questions, just go, they're waiting.' As Fang got to the door, I heard him say, 'Oh no!'. How embarrassing for him. The bus driver was pretty upset, I hear.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

I Think Therefore I....Huh?

As all my readers know by now, I have a funny way of looking at things. I really think in pictures, no matter what people say, I always have these funny pictures in my head. I've always been like that.
I was born a city slicker and was raised a city slicker. Imagine my embarrassment when we moved to the country and everyone I became friends with were farmers. They have an entire language of their own, which I was unaware of at the time.
I was chatting with a couple in particular and somehow the conversation came up about 'dressing the pigs'. My eyes became wide with excitement! I asked if everyone dressed their pigs. They replied, 'Yes.' I told them that I really didn't want to interfere with the 'pig prom' but please, for the pigs sakes, don't dress them in stripes, it would only make them look fatter. They laughed their heads off at me..I wasn't sure why.
Then there was the 'head cheese' fiasco. Did you know that it is not cheese shaped and chiseled into a head shape? No, it's actually made from a pigs head boiled until all the meat falls off. Eeeeeew! The thing about the cheese? All farmer propaganda.
Then there was the expression, 'the cow threw a calf'. I asked, surprised as hell, 'Where did she throw it?' I had visions of the cow going through all that pain to drop this huge baby and just getting pissed off after the event and tossing it across the field.
For the longest time, I thought you had to plant hay. It was years before I found out that it's just actually long grass.
It took me forever to get used to being on a well. In my mind, I thought it was almost the same as laying on the grass on my belly and slurping from the ditch. It freaked me out. I miss my chlorine infested water from the city. I remember one day it came to a head, and I just stood there saying to my kids, 'Do you realize that we're drinking water from a hole in the ground?' It fell on deaf ears. My kids were 'countryfied' by then. 'Sigh'
One day I was standing outside our house on our country road. It was twilight, and in the distance I could see there was a small dog loose. People are terrible for this in the country. I called it and it turned to look at me. I kept calling it, and it started to come my way at a trot. Cool. I watched as it got closer and closer while I encouraged it. Suddenly, it was pretty close, close enough for me to get a good look at it. OMG, it's a fox! I turned suddenly and ran into the house, hyperventilating, and locked the door behind me. I then ran to the window to see if it followed me. When I looked the fox was sitting in the middle of the road, looking at the house in disgust. I just know he was thinking....'city slicker.'

Saturday, April 28, 2007

The Ears Have It!

You can't tell by my picture on this blog, but I have enormous ears! My hubby says I don't, but, oh yes I do. It's something I've only noticed recently, say in the last five years.
They are so big, I have to gather them up when we're in the car or hubby won't be able to see out of the windshield to drive. If my car window is open, I have to be careful when I close it that my ears don't get caught. And, oh, for pete's sake, don't get them slammed in the car door. One time when we were on the highway, half a dozen cars went by on my side of the car, pointing to my door. Turns out, my ear was dragging along on the outside of the door. We had to pull over and gather it up, all scraped and dirty. If I get on public transit and walk down the aisle, I can take out six people at a time.
Now at my last job, we would have these useless meetings, and there was a man who worked with us that had the biggest nose I've ever seen. His nostrils were huge! I would catch myself staring at him, I couldn't help it. I feel your pain, buddy. Sometimes I would daydream about a duel between him and I. I'd walk by and he would lift his nostril and trap me inside. I would look around and see bats and stalagmite hanging in there, maybe an abandoned car on blocks. I would then start pounding on his sinuses with my fists. Finally, after much struggling, I would manage to turn my head in just the right way to get my ear outside his nostril. I would then slap him in the face with my free ear until he dropped me out of his sinus. He would chase me around the office, trying to get me back under his nose to capture me again. I would fend him off wildly slapping with first one ear and then the other until he saw little birdies flying around his head, just like in cartoons.
I miss the office meetings....

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Our Pets...or Aunty Bunny Has A Beard

As you can see by my side panel, I have quite an extended family. My daughter and I are total animal lovers and once we get a pet, to us it is family. Our pets are varied and have such individual little personalities and we have so much fun with them. Actually, our home is really somewhat of a petting zoo, but we love it. Unfortunately, my poor hubby is allergic to some of the fur, but he takes antihistamines to calm his symptoms cause he likes the animals too.
Anyway, first of all there is Bunny, our Australian Terrier. She looks a lot like a Yorkie. Cute as a button, but it doesn't matter how much you bathe her, she always smells bad. Getting stinky kisses from her is a fate worse than death, but she's really cute. When my husband complains about the smelly kisses I tell him she takes after his side of the Next is my cockatiel Tequila. He hates everyone except me. Holly will always try to sneak a kiss from him but he always manages to grab her nose ring and practically fling her onto the floor. Too funny! Holly says he's mean, but I think he has issues with gender dysmorphia. We don't know for sure that he's really a boy, but we will continue to insist he is for the rest of his life. I haven't bothered to get him counselling yet.
Next is Heffalump, Lumpy for short. He's my pride and joy. A jet black guinea pig who has the sweetest disposition and will even give you wet, sloppy kisses. He loves to be cuddled and will sit with you for ages and make his soft little squeaking sounds. It's like he has tons of stories to tell you since the last time you picked him up. Also, he is so sweet and gentle with my grandchildren. He loves them. I wasn't sure how he would be with little kids since he hasn't been around them much.
Poppy is our love bird. She has the sweetest little cheerful face and looks so innocent and small sitting in her cage. However, she has a checkered past. She pecked her husband to death and was quite proud of herself about it. I knew there were marital problems, but I never thought she was capable of that! Even as you are giving her a treat, she is eyeing you suspiciously and planning your death. We call her our 'War Bird'. And does she bite hard!! Then you look at her and she sits there with her smiley face, all innocent. And boy, she can be loud. I can ignore her most of the time, but my hubby sometimes gets crazy from it and yells from the living room, 'Poppy, shut up!' I tell him that he will tear down her self esteem if he does that, (I read it on the Internet) but he says he doesn't care. Bastard!
Stevie Wonder is my daughters white rabbit. He is completely blind, hence the name. He is a wonderful little guy and gets around by feeling with his chin before he hops, so he hops quite slow. Bunny had quite a crush on him up until recently when Stevie bit her on the foot. The romance was instantly over. I guess Bunny was paying attention when I gave the speech on not taking any abuse from a spouse.
Finally, there is my daughter's hamster named Lucy. She has the biggest features I've ever seen on a hamster. Big nose, ears and mouth. She's orange in colour and so funny to watch.
I don't have a pic of her up but I'll find one and put it up.
Now, the thing is...Holly and I have voices we do for all the animals, so we actually have long drawn out conversations with all the animals putting their two cents in. We do it so often that we don't even notice anymore. Below is a typical 'conversation' between Holly, I and whatever animal is around.
Me: Bunny, what am I going to make for dinner?
Bunny/Holly: Mom, I think we should have steak.
Lumpy/Me: Nooo, raw carrots!
Bunny/Holly: Why does Lumpy get to decide? You asked me, Mom.
Poppy/Me: Why don't you all die?
Stevie/Holly: I vote for the carrots!
Bunny/Holly: Mom, Poppy is threatening us...
Lumpy/Me: Mom, I've been saying that for weeks..
Poppy/Me: If I ever get out of this cage, I'll kill you all in your sleep!
This goes on every day. Now that I see this written down, I'm beginning to think a good therapist may be required!
Poppy/Me: It won't help, I'm still going to kill you the first chance I get!!!

Tuesday, April 24, 2007


I've spent the last couple of days reading other people's blogs and I'm so impressed by them. People are so interesting when they give you a glimpse of their daily lives!
My life, on the other hand isn't all that interesting, since I'm not working right now, but I really try to make an effort to make my blog interesting. I see that I get a lot of hits, but not very many comments.
Please, if you guys could just encourage me a little and leave a short note so I know if you like it or find it too boring, I would sooo appreciate it.
Have a great day, everyone!

Monday, April 23, 2007

I Really Do Often Wonder......

I often wonder why, when you ask people if they have found what they have been frantically looking for, they reply that yes they did and it was in the last place they looked?! Of course it's in the last place you looked...who finds it and keeps on looking???
Why is it at the deli counter, you order 2lbs. of thinly sliced smoked ham, and some of the clerks will actually ask, 'Do you want me to wrap that up for you?' I usually reply, 'No thanks, just throw it on the floor and I'll eat it here!' Or my favorite...I've got my head bent over the kitchen sink washing my hair and one of the members of my family will walk by and ask me, 'What are you doing?' My reply? 'Storing nuclear waste in the vegetable crisper!' Are they kidding?
Yes, even those near and dear to your heart will ask these crazy questions!
True story....I went to my Dr.'s appointment a full 24 hours before it was scheduled. I thought it was 10:30 am on Tuesday, but when I got there the nurse told me it was Wednesday at 10:30 am. Fair enough. As I was just about to turn to leave, the nurse asked me if I was leaving??? Quick mind that I have, I replied, 'No, I'll wait.' She laughed her head off for ten minutes.
This is just one of my pet peeves, so you'd think I wouldn't ask these same stupid questions....but I do, much to my horror!!! It's especially embarrassing when someone does it to me and I'm so quick with a 'witty' (ahem!) reply. Then five minutes later I ask an even stupider question. (feel free to use that new word, 'stupider', by the way)
So, if my daughter should walk by as I'm posting this, and asks the question, 'What are you doing?' I have my reply ready...'Training my blog for the circus!'

What can I Say.....

I usually like to keep my posts light and humorous, but after the events of last week at Virginia Tech, I would be remiss in trying to pretend it did not happen.
To the families and friends of the victims, I am sooo sorry and you are in my prayers. To the family of the shooter, my heart goes out to you as well.
To the students in general, talk about it a lot and get it out. Speak to someone professional if the whole situation is making your life spiral out of control with fear.
In short, God Bless you all and may He keep you in His hands while you go through this.

Friday, April 20, 2007

Pretty In Pink

So, last week was the time for my yearly check-up. I have a great Dr. who is thorough and has a great sense of humour, thankfully! Of course, being so thorough, I had to have my yearly pap smear. I have no problem with that, and let's face it girls, at my age, I just don't have any hang-ups about who looks down there. Send in the janitor, who cares. But I don't like awkward silences while the Dr.'s doing it, so I tend to talk a lot throughout. As if I'm the host of some crazy party in my uterus and I must carry the conversation or the Dr. won't come next year. I usually joke around about Amelia Earhart or Jimmy Hoffa falling out or something equally droll like that. The Dr. doesn't laugh so I start thinking it's because I didn't offer him a drink. Anyway, this year he mentioned that my curvex was quite far up and it took him a minute to find it. I asked him what colour it was. Just curious. He said it was hot pink! Wow, I didn't know!
After I was done, on the way home, I tried to tell my husband that I needed a pink purse and shoes to match my curvex. Now that I knew for certain the colour of my curvex, I just couldn't go through life with the big faux pas of not having a matching handbag. Why don't men get it????
My Dr. then made an appointment for a mammogram. I have very small breasts, and it turns out that if they aren't big enough, the technician simply grabs them with both hands and swings off of them until they are big enough! She just pulls and pulls until finally the fat from your back surrenders and moves to the front. Once satisfied with that, she closes your breasts in this machine that squishes them flat. Ouch! If all photos required this kind of exercise, none of us would ever know what our ancestors looked like.

Friday, April 06, 2007

Elvis Has Left the Building

Today, boys and girls, we will be talking about haircuts. I have always had long flowing hair. And I mean least since I have been an adult. You see, I have a head shaped like a huge basketball and I find that with short hair I look a lot like the basketball Tom Hanks had as his best friend in the movie 'Castaway'. I could have been it's body double. But alas, a few years ago I noticed that my hair was thinning. So much so that I had to get it all cropped off to try and disguise the fact that I looked a little like Telly Savalas.
I have nothing against short hair in general. A lot of women look so cute in their pixie cuts. As for me....I hate it. I doesn't matter how often I get it done, or even where I get it done, it's always awful. Sometimes there's that moment of hope, somewhere between getting it trimmed and it being almost dry, where I think, ooh, maybe this one isn't so bad. Until 'it' happens. The stylist takes out the hair blower and the gel. 'Here it comes', I think. 'My journey into 'hair hell.' And I'm never disappointed! I always leave the salon looking like Elvis. (and I'm talking the latter years, not the handsome early years!)
I knew I was in trouble when, one day I was leaving the salon and some woman yelled out, 'OMG, I always knew you were still alive,' and asked me for my autograph!'
It's kind of depressing, since it happens every time I get a trim. So, I've officially given up any hope for a nice 'do.'
However, I am starting to think of getting a wig, or extensions. Even dreds would be better than this!
But until then, I guess I will just have to practice my 'autograph'.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

I finally got my counter! Now everyone can see just how very unpopular I am! Hoooray!!!!

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

OCD or Could You Repeat that Please!

I've written briefly about my OCD on one of my previous blogs, but I think it's time to explain what life is like in my world of OCD, which by the way stands for 'Oh my god, you Crazy Dork!' I think...
Anyway, as I mentioned before, in my case it's not too bad and doesn't control my life as it does for so many others. It's just a few funny things that I do in certain situations. I do admit, it has gotten worse over the last couple of years; or maybe I just noticed it more.
The first thing is my fixation at the sound of the toilet flushing. When I use the rest room, if the toilet doesn't make the right sound, I have to stand around and wait for the tank to fill up and flush it again. I only do this at home because I only know what my toilet sounds like when it flushes properly.
Another thing is when I have a song in my head, I count out the beats on my fingers before I go to sleep. If the song doesn't end on the last finger on my hand I have to keep counting it until it does. I can usually shorten this process by only thinking of one verse or chorus.
Now, what I often wonder is...why? How did I end up with these wierd displays of freakishness? Was I freightened by a plumber as a child? Were some beats horribly missed in a piece of music I heard? We all know what causes post tramatic stress syndrome, but what's up with this??
I've heard it said that it's a hiccup in the brain which is fine, but that term has also been used to describe Tourette's syndrome and epilepsy. I think they just don't know how to catagorize toilet flushing, beat counting, sentence repeating, hand washing, stove checking, door lock checking, not drinking to the bottom of the pop bottle in case there's spit, number repeating, freaks-in-training.
Now on the bright side, I'm so thankful that I don't have Tourette's. It would be so inconvenient to have to explain yourself when a woman walked by and you screamed out, 'bitch'. You would have to constantly explain, 'No, that wasn't my Tourette's, I actually meant it!'
My husband thinks I'm a freak, but as he romantically puts it, 'I'm his freak.'
Now, my daughter seems to have a kind of OCD where if she hears someone describe an illness, she thinks she has it. This can be quite funny when we watch the medical mystery shows I love to watch. Watching these shows, she has thought she has had every disease going. It was especially funny when on one show, a guy was brought into the ER with a ski through his head. Holly suspected that she had that too and it could be the cause of her recent headaches. I laughed until I stopped. Boy, is she a freak!!! But alas, she's my freak.