Lucy...You have some 'splainin to do..(think Cuban accent)

I don't talk a lot about certain things on this blog. I do sometimes hold back on some things, however, I feel I need to explain why I'm sometimes inconsistent with my posts.
Of course, I've whined (I know that's supposed to be spelt 'whinged' but it looks weird) about my eyes until you are all ready to poke your own eyes out. Sorry about that, btw. I have several health issues going on at once here, (you know how I love to multi-task!) and I thought it only fair to come clean with some of it so you can understand why sometimes I can be hilarious and sometimes I just suck at it.
I finally went to see the rhumatologist. He confirmed that I have both Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fybromyalgia, which I suspected for over a year but my family Dr. insisted was my diabetes which is not fully under control. It wasn't until my endocrinologist said that it definitely was not my diabetes that was causing my problems, that my family Dr. sent me to the rhumatologist. Believe me, before that I felt like a total hypochondriac, like nobody believed me. Except for my family. They have seen me go from an active working and useful member of society, just over a year ago, to someone who can now not leave the house, can't clean the house, can't make meals or any other useful thing. I'm so frustrated some days and I feel pretty useless to everyone around me. The only thing I'm good at is sleeping. Most days it try not to let it get to me, but some days (like today) I get depressed at how small and useless my world is. Hubby and Holly have been so understanding, it just makes me feel guiltier. And the pain...constant, persistent and annoying. My arms and shoulders are in so much pain, I find it hard to dress and shower, or even brush my hair. Showering is an adventure in exhaustion and pain. I actually have a seat I use in the shower for when I just can's seem to stand anymore. If I have to go somewhere, I have to shower the previous night, because if I wait until the day I'm going, I will be too tired to go after my shower. It sounds ridiculous, but it's true.
I feel very vulnerable telling you all this, I don't know why. I like people to think I'm strong, but I am realizing I'm just not anymore..and that scares me..a lot.
The good news is, most days I am coping just fine, and these are the happiest days of my life really, because I am so secure with all the relationships in my life. Hubby and I are still very much in love and I have great relationships with my kids and grandkids. I don't think very many people can honestly say that, so I do know how very blessed I am. I guess we all have days when we have ourselves a little pity party, right?
So, friends, when I fail to post, it's usually because I am just too tired either physically or mentally.
There, I've said it, and that's all I have to say about that.
I hope you all have a great weekend!
Take care
Tory

Tory..The Sex Machine...

I'm one of those people who falls...a lot! I can think of so many times when, in public, I've found myself spread-eagle in places where you shouldn't really be 'spread-eagle'.
I will never really get over the trauma of the time in high school, my parents drove me one morning. It was winter, and I was soo cool with my long, poncho-type coat. (Popular at the time. O.k. so it was a hundred years ago) That is until they stopped in front of my school, and while trying to maneuver my way out of the back seat of the two-door, I tripped over my coat and landed face first in the middle of the road. I could not get up immediately because my arms were pinned under me when I fell. What did my parents do? My mother laughed so loud she caught the attention of all the other students walking within 3 miles of the school. She then pushed my feet and the rest of my coat out of the car, slammed the door and they took off, leaving me in the middle of the road, struggling to find the slits in the coat so I could get up. I could hear her laughing all the way down the street. I thought I would die of embarrassment. Yes, she was always that 'thoughtful'.
I remember the time, in my mid-teens, walking in the mall. As I walked past a fruit and veg stand, I slipped on a piece of rotten lettuce. I did the splits so well, let's just say, 'watch out all you crazy, gymnastic experts...I have arrived!' Of course, the problems were,
1.) Previous to this, I'd never done any gymnastics.
2.) I didn't know how to un-gymnastic myself either gracefully or ungracefully from this position.
3.) Did I have to be in public for this??
That's when I actually channeled James Brown. You remember when James Brown did the splits and then was suddenly able to pull himself upright? Yup, I was so embarrassed I actually did that!! (Yes, and James Brown's voice came into my head...'Get on up..Hgh..Hgh..') It's then I realized that I had been channeling James Brown for years...note the 'cape' in the previous story. At that moment, I became afraid of myself and have since refused to be alone with myself for any length of time unless armed with food...or shoes..nice purses..
Anyhoo...cut to years later. Fang, the kids and me going into Walmart after church one Sunday. Yes, I had on heels..and if I recall correctly, a big, ugly, puffy, pink dress. (Every time I wore this dress, somebody would always ask if I was pregnant!! Hated that dress.) Somewhere between 'women's wear' and 'children's wear' I again did the lovely 'James Brown' splits. In a dress, people!! Fang grabbed the kids and left me there. ('get on up..Hgh...Hgh..like a sex machine') Everyone I know is an insensitive bastard!
One year for Christmas, Fang bought me a pair of slippers. Were they lovely furry mules, comfy cozy pull on's?? No, of course not. It was Fang. They were 'chicken' slipper?! I have to describe these things in detail for you. They were over a foot wide, each. Bright yellow with big red toenails on the end of each 5 toes. Oh, and then there was the battery pack!! Every step I took, these things would, 'cock-a-doodle-doo'! Loudly and often. I remember picking up the phone and whoever I was talking to could actually hear them. I tried to be gracious about it and told Fang I loved them...yeah..(my nose is growing just thinking about it!!)
The breaking point for me was when I ran up the stairs, our dog chased my slippers, I fell 'up' the stairs, dog barking and biting my slippers, slippers crowing in alarm...ow..ow..Then I fell down the stairs, dog barking and biting my feet, slippers crowing in alarm..ow..ow..
The next day, I was first in line at the 'Returns' department of the store. Without looking up, the lady asked me what the problem was with the merchandise. I simply shook the slippers, they crowed, she looked at them and promptly returned my money. No further questions asked.
Take care
Tory

The Stalker...

As you can see, I'm trying to make some changes and improvements on my blog. I have found so many new widgets to keep track of people, I actually think I'm beginning to stalk all of you. I'm lonely!
But now I can tell where everyone is from that happens upon this crazy blog, even if by accident. I used to have a map that had little red dots on it for every hit I got, which showed where in the world the hit came from. O.k. I must confess, when it comes to geography, I suck. I was getting hits on the map but didn't know what country it was from...duh. So, that didn't really work for me. Besides that, there were so many hits in North America, it turned into one big red dot. So, I got rid of that pretty quickly. Anyway, I'll just keep working at it so that it looks fresh for my regular readers.
In other news, my nose! I just discovered that I hate it. It is a really weird shape and gives me a kind of 'Charlie Brown' profile. I should have had a nose job years ago, but I didn't know it. Actually, when I think about it, I should have had a complete overhaul by now. I don't have much in the 'boob' department, if you know what I mean. My own Dr. once said to me that my breasts are so small, 'If you feel anything, you must have a lump'!! A breast implant op would be nice. And you already know about my large ears...I'm so depressed...
But we've all seen the shows about plastic surgery gone bad. Have you see Kenny Rogers lately? Is he the same man?? I would never have recognized him in a million years. And what's up with Wayne Newton? Is that his face or is it novelty night? He looks like a stand-in for the wax museum. And these are people who can afford the very best medical experts! All I could really afford would be a 'backstreet' plastic surgeon, you know, a guy with a Ginsu knife and Barbie parts...sigh. You know he would probably offer a free toaster for every nose job, for a limited time.
I will be the big '50' this year, and it's too late to do anything about my funny nose, big ears, small boobs etc..so I'll just have to live with it.
In spite of all this, I have a hubby who loves me and that's good enough for me.
Take care, Kids
Tory

The Ears Have It!

You can't tell by my picture on this blog, but I have enormous ears! My hubby says I don't, but, oh yes I do. It's something I've only noticed recently, say in the last five years.
They are so big, I have to gather them up when we're in the car or hubby won't be able to see out of the windshield to drive. If my car window is open, I have to be careful when I close it that my ears don't get caught. And, oh, for pete's sake, don't get them slammed in the car door. One time when we were on the highway, half a dozen cars went by on my side of the car, pointing to my door. Turns out, my ear was dragging along on the outside of the door. We had to pull over and gather it up, all scraped and dirty. If I get on public transit and walk down the aisle, I can take out six people at a time.
Now at my last job, we would have these useless meetings, and there was a man who worked with us that had the biggest nose I've ever seen. His nostrils were huge! I would catch myself staring at him, I couldn't help it. I feel your pain, buddy. Sometimes I would daydream about a duel between him and I. I'd walk by and he would lift his nostril and trap me inside. I would look around and see bats and stalagmite hanging in there, maybe an abandoned car on blocks. I would then start pounding on his sinuses with my fists. Finally, after much struggling, I would manage to turn my head in just the right way to get my ear outside his nostril. I would then slap him in the face with my free ear until he dropped me out of his sinus. He would chase me around the office, trying to get me back under his nose to capture me again. I would fend him off wildly slapping with first one ear and then the other until he saw little birdies flying around his head, just like in cartoons.
I miss the office meetings....