I Think Therefore I....Huh?

As all my readers know by now, I have a funny way of looking at things. I really think in pictures, no matter what people say, I always have these funny pictures in my head. I've always been like that.
I was born a city slicker and was raised a city slicker. Imagine my embarrassment when we moved to the country and everyone I became friends with were farmers. They have an entire language of their own, which I was unaware of at the time.
I was chatting with a couple in particular and somehow the conversation came up about 'dressing the pigs'. My eyes became wide with excitement! I asked if everyone dressed their pigs. They replied, 'Yes.' I told them that I really didn't want to interfere with the 'pig prom' but please, for the pigs sakes, don't dress them in stripes, it would only make them look fatter. They laughed their heads off at me..I wasn't sure why.
Then there was the 'head cheese' fiasco. Did you know that it is not cheese shaped and chiseled into a head shape? No, it's actually made from a pigs head boiled until all the meat falls off. Eeeeeew! The thing about the cheese? All farmer propaganda.
Then there was the expression, 'the cow threw a calf'. I asked, surprised as hell, 'Where did she throw it?' I had visions of the cow going through all that pain to drop this huge baby and just getting pissed off after the event and tossing it across the field.
For the longest time, I thought you had to plant hay. It was years before I found out that it's just actually long grass.
It took me forever to get used to being on a well. In my mind, I thought it was almost the same as laying on the grass on my belly and slurping from the ditch. It freaked me out. I miss my chlorine infested water from the city. I remember one day it came to a head, and I just stood there saying to my kids, 'Do you realize that we're drinking water from a hole in the ground?' It fell on deaf ears. My kids were 'countryfied' by then. 'Sigh'
One day I was standing outside our house on our country road. It was twilight, and in the distance I could see there was a small dog loose. People are terrible for this in the country. I called it and it turned to look at me. I kept calling it, and it started to come my way at a trot. Cool. I watched as it got closer and closer while I encouraged it. Suddenly, it was pretty close, close enough for me to get a good look at it. OMG, it's a fox! I turned suddenly and ran into the house, hyperventilating, and locked the door behind me. I then ran to the window to see if it followed me. When I looked the fox was sitting in the middle of the road, looking at the house in disgust. I just know he was thinking....'city slicker.'