Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Yodeling...the Lost Art

Like most people, I have a deeply ingrained yen to yodel. So, much to the chagrin of my hubby, I do. Often and loudly. He pretends he doesn't like it, but I know he does. What I like about it, is that it's something you can take with you anywhere. I especially like to do it in the car. I'm the travelling yodeler. My hubby especially loves it when we're trapped between two cars in a Timmy's drive-through and I entertain him with my lovely yodeling repetoire.
I promised him that when he died, I would yodel at his funeral. I love him that much. He replied that his death would probably be from a tragic yodeling accident. The first symptom of that being bleeding ears! I know he didn't mean it. After all, do any of his friends have a wife who yodels for them? I think not!
I was so into my yodeling yesterday, I stood in Holly's doorway and went into a yodeling aria that would put other yodelers to shame. Alas...young people just don't seem to appreciate culture anymore. She just turned off her music and stared at me. Finally she said I should go yodel for my hubby cause he appreciates it more than she does. So, I did. I could tell he was almost in tears from it.
No, I've never had yodeling lessons but I just try to copy what I hear. It's not as easy as it seems, so I will have to keep practicing. I will practice in the elevator as the acoustics are great in there.
My hubby says that not all wives yodel for their husbands. Well, statistics say that 2 out of 3 marrages are failing these days. Coincidence? I don't think so!

Saturday, September 23, 2006

You Can't Tell a Cook By Her Mother

It's Saturday. I've been off work for three days with a really bad stomach flu. Oh, what an adventure. I think I've been turned inside out and left for dead....except I lived.
My point is, in between running back and forth to the bathroom, I have been watching the Food Network, which I have a secret addiction to. O.K. I admit it. I'm a foodie. Translation...when I cannot keep a thing down because of the flu, I'm obsessed with food enough to enjoy watching the Food Network even then!
Other people have a '10 second rule' when they drop things on the floor. I could be cleaning out under a dresser that I haven't cleaned under in a year, find an old green M&M, giggle hysterically and yell out 'five year rule!' As I blow all the dust off of it and am poised to pop it into my mouth, my hubby yells back from the living room, 'Tory, whatever it is you found, don't eat it.' Crap!!
Anyway, some of these shows can be quite funny. There's one show where the woman helps couples to get their kids to eat better by hiding foods that are good for them in with food's they'll eat. It can be quite humerous at the end when the kid's still won't eat it. The host pretends that she didn't see the kid take a bite and spit it back out on his plate. That's what you get when you mollycoddle. It's a far cry from when I was young and my mother would tell me to eat it or she would sell me. Like all mothers are, my mother was a great motivational speaker! 'Tory, if you don't eat that, do you know what will happen to you?' I'd gulp, 'No'. 'Your arms will atrophy and fall off.' 'You eat carrots for your arms, broccoli for your legs..etc.' 'Don't you remember last week when you saw the man with only one leg? Not enough broccoli!' I gasped! 'I didn't know that!' 'That's why you have a mother, so I can explain stuff to you.' I thought that she had a physician-like understanding of the human body. 'Mom, you should have been a Dr.' 'No, I couldn't do that. You have to take an oath to 'do no harm' and I hate people. It would be a conflict of interest.'
Back to my ramblings about the Food Network.
There is this one british lady, who really cooks fantastic foods, but I have a terrible time watching her. The second the food is done, she digs into it. That's fine, but some people are gross to watch eating and she's one of them. She grabs everything with her hands and wolfs it down. She eats right off of the serving platter even when she has company coming! Eeeeeeeew! I'm sure I saw her lick her elbow one time when she was covered in chocolate mousse. Let me put it to you this way, if your child ever swallows bleach or something else equally toxic and the poison control center instructs you to induce vomiting, just put on this cooking show. You'll have instant results.
I don't believe it!? Coincidently, her show is coming on now...gotta go!

Friday, September 22, 2006

My Life List or Is there any hope at all, Dr. Phil?

O.k. Here it is! After much thought, I managed to get it written down. However, now that I look at the length of it, I feel I have too much to do and don't have time to post it! Just kidding. But I figure, I will probably die of sheer exhaustion from just trying to do it all. We'll see.


1) Be the best wife, mother and grandmother possible.
2) Be more dependable.
3) Remember, before I judge...I have no idea what this person
has been through in their lives to bring them to this point.
4) Finish my book and do my darndest to get it published.
5) Write another book, article or a poem. Just keep writing and getting better.
6) Keep learning. It helps to keep you mind alert and alive.
7) Get better at keeping in touch with people I care for. We never know when they'll be removed from our lives.
8) Be a better homemaker. Cook more, clean more. It's not crucial, but it sure makes life nicer!
9) On the same note, get some organization in my life: that makes life just a lot easier. Less wasted time.
10) Try to make time to do all the things that I love, from crocheting and reading to quilting and spending time with my animals.
11) Spend more time with Holly. Just her and I alone time.
12) Be mindful to start preparing Holly for adulthood. Help her to be less dependent on me. it's time.
13) Keep cultivating my great relationship with Ashley. Get as close as possible to her and be as helpful as I can.
14) Cultivate a great relationship with Rob, always letting him know that I love him as my own.
15) Begin to teach those in my family what the bible says.
16) Pray often and hard for my family.
17) Become active in my church.
18) Quit smoking!!
19) Be a better example of how God operates in the lives of those He loves.
20) Be kinder.
21) Pray for wisdom.
22) Spend a lot of time with my animals, showing them how much I love them.
23) One day, have a hobby farm so I can get a horse, a llama, a pot bellied pig, some ducks, an angora goat and as many dogs as I want.
24) To work hard and achieve my husband's and my life plan, which is as follows:
- work hard to pay up our bills
- put some money away
- hubby to get real estate license.
- help him with the real estate business and build it up until we have our own office.
-find a nice starter home until we build up our business. Preferably one with an apartment in the basement for Ashley, Rob and the grand children.
- eventually, move us all out to the east coast. Continue our business out there.
25) Help the kids buy a home of their own.
26) Be very involved with my grand babies. I want them to remember me fondly as I do my two grandmothers.
27) Get fit and eat right. I want to see my grandchildren grow up.
28) Figure out how to deal with this silly diabetes. There's got to be a better way!
29) Try not to sweat the small stuff. Life's too short.
30) Try and have a good time while I'm here.
31) Continue to make people laugh.
32) Improve a little every day, in some small way.
33) Learn to drive.
34) Get one of those funny little half-cars!
35) When I die, get my ashes thrown into the ocean.
36) Have a tea party with my grand-daughter.
37) Take my grandson to the park.
38) Go fishing with my son-in-law.
39) Make some quilts with Holly. Give them away.
40) Do volunteer work at the men's shelter.
41) Cook new things with Ashley.
42) Travel.
43) Go to Israel. Walk where Jesus walked.
44) Make my hubby feel as important as he is to me.
45) Get to know my sister and brother-in-law better.
46) Have a dinner party once in awhile.
47) Go visit my dad and let him know how much I love him and how important he is to me.
48) Get to know his family.
49) Learn archery.
50) Learn pottery and get my own kiln.
51) Get painting lessons.
52) Get outdoors more often.
53) Go canoeing, kayaking, hiking and fishing as often as I can.
54) Tell my dog I love her more often.
55) Walk, walk, walk!
56) Don't harden my heart when God speaks to me.
57) Be more tolerant.
58) Don't go skydiving!
59) Work for world peace! (just kidding!)

That's it kids! A lot to do.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Don't talk to me, I'm working on my "Life List"

O.k. Who thought of this? I'm trying to work on my life list, something that has been so popular lately. I've been really trying to avoid the cliche stuff like...work for world peace, etc. You should try it some time. It's really much harder than it looks.
First of all, as soon as you sit down to try and think of what you should include in the list, you begin to realize that this is a much more serious task then you first thought. This could turn out to be the blueprint for the rest of your life, especially at my age which is somewhere between Dora and Methusala. You don't want to write down something like skydiving just in case someone holds you to it. It sounds good on paper, but do I want to jump out of a perfectly good airplane? I think not!
Your next thought is that you don't want to sound like a greedy bastard by writing down stuff like, 'a home on the water, a horse or housekeeper.' See what I mean? It really makes you think much more than you really want to.
So, if you are expecting to see my life list posted by say, tomorrow, I'm afraid you will be dissappointed. Actually, if you really are dissappointed by this, I suggest you write a life list of your own. It would give you something to do!
I'll keep you posted on my progress.

Monday, September 18, 2006


I'm baaaak! Had a great weekend with my guy. Sooo relaxing. As I'm typing this, my cockatiel, Tequila, has made himself at home sitting atop my head. I think he missed me.
Did I ever mention that I have OCD? I do. Not to extremes like some people suffer with it, just annoying little things that have to be done a certain way. The hand-washing goes without saying, but some other little things too. This morning on our way home, hubby didn't bother to go to the bank to get cash for our coffee at Timmy's, so he said he had enough money to get me one. What?! I'm supposed to have one without him? I can't do that. Well, I was so shocked and upset about the whole situation, poor hubby went to the bank for some cash to get himself one. I'm so pathetic.
Back to the grind. I'm back at work tonight. Only for a few hours.
I've heard a lot of talk about life lists, lately. I'm planning on writing my own which I will post soon.
Take care all.

Saturday, September 16, 2006


Well, it's Saturday..yaaaahhh! That means that I'll be going to my love nest with my sweetheart. (hubby) We have a trailer up north in the middle of beautiful country with trees and wonderful songbirds. It amazes me how on the drive up, which takes about 1 1/2 hours, the cares of my life just seem to leave me and when I'm there I absolutely forget my worries. It's like some sort of metamorphosis I go through.
I love our little going away routine too. We stop off at our neighbourhood Timmy's, (with whom I've had an affair for years!) grab a cup of java and listen to our favorite soft rock station, singing along with all our favorites. Usually, I will even throw in a dance or two, eyes closed, head bobbing madly, snapping my fingers a la Carlton from Fresh Prince of Belair, only to open my eyes and find someone in the next car looking at me like I'm crazy. Whatever...
Anyway, I'll talk to you all on Monday. Have a good one!

Thursday, September 14, 2006

I Really Do Often Wonder......

I often wonder...if we were, at our beginnings, all monkeys, why do we still have monkeys?
I often wonder why it is that as men age, when they pass wind it sounds like people clapping? I often hear applause coming from the bedroom when my hubby goes to bed before me. Just the other day, while he was walking down the hallway, he passed wind at such length...well, let's just say it had all the earmarks of a terrific standing ovation.
I often wonder if other women ever feel as dorky and uncoordinated as I do. I would so love to be as graceful as a swan as so many women seem to be naturally. You've seen them, perfectly coiffed, speaking in soft, whispery tones. Their dainty hands helping them to convey their wise and dignified impressions of the world around them. I've never heard even one of these elegant creatures shriek from the bathroom, "Honey, I've dropped my hair removal cream down the toilet!!"
Yet, I've heard myself say it...twice. No, I'm not one of the 'graceful ones.' You have to be born with that, I guess. I'm the freak that comes crashing through the door after having gotten my sleeve caught in the door handle which gets angry at me and flings me about. This usually happens at work when I'm showing up for a meeting late. Or I'm standing around with the co-workers outside, regaling them them with my wit and I pop a cigarette into my mouth and it bursts into flames because I've lit the filter end. No matter how hard I try, I always manage to spill my food down my shirt or trip over an invisible line. It's because of this, that I am shy in front of a roomful of people. I'm the one who gets so enthusiastic during a conversation, I accidently spit on you. I sometimes tend to blurt things out and then realizing my mistake, do I graciously apologize? No, I laugh myself sick! I guess you have to be born with that too.
However, I do have to say, I am also the one who is blessed with a husband who loves me in spite of all this. Poor sap.


"I have a blog!!" My face was beaming as I announced the news to my 19 year old daughter. "Do you even know what a blog is, Mom?" I began to stutter, "Ummm...ahhh..Of course I do!" Say it loud and proud, Tory, maybe she'll believe you, I thought to myself. "Really? What is it then?" she said. Brat!! I actually thought of trying the 'if you don't know then I'm not going to tell you," route, but that only works on men. So, after a ten minute explanation from my mentor, I was ready to go.
I am a new, baby writer although I've never had anything published except one poem, I have been writing in one form or another since I was a kid. I've had an interesting life and anytime I speak to anyone about it, they would always remark that I should write a book. So, that's what I'm doing. I know nothing about publishing or anything but I'm going to worry about that after I'm done. I found this web site yesterday, and joined right away.
Anyway, back to my blog. Anyone who takes the time to actually read my blog will get my disclaimer before you even start...."No actual Tory's were injured in the making of this blog...oh, yeah, and...I have to warn you that reading this blog will take up minutes of your life you will never be able to recoup!"
Now to the purpose of my blog...there isn't one. It will just be practice for me to try and write something interesting once in awhile. Besides, my family has heard all my silly musings for years and I think they're sick of me. Oh, they wouldn't say that, but let's face it, would you insult the only member of your family that can cook? I think not!
But when it comes down to it all, the reason I want a blog is for the sheer joy of writing. Enough said.