Can I Live in the Parking Garage???

It is only noon and already it is unbearably hot here. I hate this time of purgatory where the apartment heating is still blasting and it's 25C outside. I'm sitting in my own puddle...I'm melting..melting.. O.K., I'm over it.
My pregnant daughter has been having false labour a lot these days. Good old braxton hicks. I just heard my hubby tell his mother that Ashley is having 'Taylor Hicks!!' Had to explain to him the other day what a mucus plug was. He knows nothing about pregnancy. Too funny!
Holly has insisted that we bond by watching T.V. together. Why? She ruins my cooking shows for me. Points out how disgusting the chefs are. Things I never noticed before, she points out and then it drives me crazy! Go away, non-cooking demon-seed! Spawn of Satin...
Anyhoo, Bunny said Holly was bugging her too and could I please get Holly out of her room. She suggested the linen closet. I'm afraid it's going to come down to an intervention between Holly and myself and all of the pets. Well, except for Poppy, cause she'll just suggest that we all die and solve the problem completely.
I bought Poppy a new toy yesterday. A little mirror with a bell. She has tried to destroy it since I put it in. She has her eye on that birdie in the mirror. I was hoping this would distract her from her master plan for awhile. If you're wondering why I don't give Tequila any toys...he's afraid of them. Won't go near them. The only thing he will play with on his perch are drinking straws. He's also afraid of most greens. Runs away from them. O.K.
I just found out that Donny Osmond will be coming on tour fairly close to our area. Yippee! Don't make fun of me, I love him and always have! Last time he came, I had two tickets. Took Holly up and down Toronto looking for a fake I.D. for her because Donny was playing at a Casino. Finally found one for her for $35. She was apparently visiting us from Flint, Michigan. Made her practice her address and date of birth over and over again. Took the long bus ride to the casino, and security wasn't sure about her I.D. Crap!!! Wouldn't let her in.
Got a refund on our tickets. She said for me to go, but there was no way I was going to leave her wandering around alone outside of a casino. We went for a nice dinner and then stood outside of the stage door where I could hear Donny singing. Burst into tears, making Holly feel worse. Meanwhile, through sobs and drama, I saying 'I'm fine. Don't worry about it, honey,'....sob.
Since I left Fang, I have been telling Holly that Donny is her real father. She didn't want Fang as a father, so I obliged her. I told her Donny and I had a torrid affair and that's how she came to be. She went along with me, because, frankly, she's as nuts as I am. I announced to her the other day that her 'father' would be coming to town, and we would go to see him. She's of age now, so, not a problem anymore.
In other news, Is it just me or is the T.V. series, 24 about the same thing every year?? There's a bomb, there's the president and everyone is trying to kill Jack or CTU is arresting him. Does that not describe every season? Don't get me wrong, it's certainly well done, so well done they use the same plot every year and we buy it. So well done that, actually I don't understand it. Both hubby and Holly are crazy about this show, so I'm forced to watch it. But I can always fall back on the knowledge that there's a bomb...the president...and so on.
The other night it was the season finale. The tension was palpable. I tried not to ask too many questions because they get very emotional around here. I'll never forget asking, 'Who's he?' Everyone yelled at me at once. Sorry...They felt I should have known that was Jack! Gee, I wonder what it's going to be about next season?!
On to the next topic. Forget about the year of the dog! In my house it is the year of the fruit fly. Because of all the small animals we have, we have a continuous problem with fruit flies. Every couple of months we put all the animals into one room and spray the whole house, but they always come back. I have no idea how I can get rid of this problem, except to get rid of my babies and that's not going to happen. So, we contend with them as best we can.
Poor Lumpy is very popular with them. I'll look in on him and he'll have a few sitting on his back and head, like he's a subway or something.
Some of the fruit flies are old enough that they actually have walkers and are complaining we have no prune juice. My hubby said that one of them introduced him to her grandchildren. We call them 'Lumpy's friends'. I've actually started to name them. Henry flew into my eye the other day, said excuse me and moved on. At least he's polite! Some of them can be quite surly and in general they're mean drunks, I've noticed. It's a problem and I don't know how to fix it. I hate spraying that crap in the house as it's not good for any of us including the animals.
Sorry, I have to go now. Some of them are having a bar fight on the counter and I have to break it up before they destroy the place.

Release The Pigeons!!

So, hubby and I were away this weekend, up north to open our summer trailer. It was so quiet it was almost deafening. I just love it up there. There are so many different birds it just makes my heart sing and....no pigeons! Not that I actually have anything against pigeons, but compared to a nuthatch or blue jay..come on.
Monday we took a long drive with me hanging out of the car window with my camera trying to get some great shots of the beautiful scenery. I turned and took a few pics of my wonderful hubby. He actually posed for me while he was driving which was a bit disturbing. Anyhoo, when I looked at the pictures I was taking, I was really disappointed. They looked so dark I could hardly see anything. Holly, at my request, had turned off the flash feature. Hmmm, maybe I needed it after all. I fiddled with the camera for awhile but honestly, I know nothing about this digital thing. I cannot do anything except point and press the button. I mentioned it to hubby who looked at me as if I grown another head. 'What?' I asked. 'Maybe it would look brighter to you if you were to take off your sunglasses?' Don't you just resent a smart alec? Anyway, we had a wonderful weekend together in our 'love nest.'
So, last night we are watching the finale of 'America's Next Top Model'. (I know...losers!) Anyway, a commercial comes on just before they reveal the winner. I take this opportunity to harass my poor hubby on who he picks to win this thing. He replies, 'Miss J, or Tyra'. 'No, you have to pick one for real.' I cajole. Finally he gives me his pick. Silence. I know what's coming. He asks, 'Well, who do you pick?' I reply, 'I don't know!' Too funny.
My eldest daughter is getting ready to deliver her third child in June, and Holly and I are going up to be with her in 3 weeks or so. She is notorious for delivering early and we don't want to miss the birth. Holly and I have discussed this with our pets at length. The pets are not happy but I think they're beginning to accept it. Poppy says she's hoping to have her master plan formulated before our return. You know, the plan to kill us all in our sleep. Heffalump is worried daddy will forget to give him his carrots and celery. I want to make him feel more secure, so you know what this will entail. Picture me, holding a guinea pig up to my hubby's face, screaming..'Say it, say it..tell Lumpy you won't forget!' Holly and I decided it would be better if we didn't mention it to Tequila yet, but he'll probably find out because Poppy has a big mouth.
Have a good day all!

Our Pets...or Aunty Bunny Has A Beard

As you can see by my side panel, I have quite an extended family. My daughter and I are total animal lovers and once we get a pet, to us it is family. Our pets are varied and have such individual little personalities and we have so much fun with them. Actually, our home is really somewhat of a petting zoo, but we love it. Unfortunately, my poor hubby is allergic to some of the fur, but he takes antihistamines to calm his symptoms cause he likes the animals too.
Anyway, first of all there is Bunny, our Australian Terrier. She looks a lot like a Yorkie. Cute as a button, but it doesn't matter how much you bathe her, she always smells bad. Getting stinky kisses from her is a fate worse than death, but she's really cute. When my husband complains about the smelly kisses I tell him she takes after his side of the family...lol. Next is my cockatiel Tequila. He hates everyone except me. Holly will always try to sneak a kiss from him but he always manages to grab her nose ring and practically fling her onto the floor. Too funny! Holly says he's mean, but I think he has issues with gender dysmorphia. We don't know for sure that he's really a boy, but we will continue to insist he is for the rest of his life. I haven't bothered to get him counselling yet.
Next is Heffalump, Lumpy for short. He's my pride and joy. A jet black guinea pig who has the sweetest disposition and will even give you wet, sloppy kisses. He loves to be cuddled and will sit with you for ages and make his soft little squeaking sounds. It's like he has tons of stories to tell you since the last time you picked him up. Also, he is so sweet and gentle with my grandchildren. He loves them. I wasn't sure how he would be with little kids since he hasn't been around them much.
Poppy is our love bird. She has the sweetest little cheerful face and looks so innocent and small sitting in her cage. However, she has a checkered past. She pecked her husband to death and was quite proud of herself about it. I knew there were marital problems, but I never thought she was capable of that! Even as you are giving her a treat, she is eyeing you suspiciously and planning your death. We call her our 'War Bird'. And does she bite hard!! Then you look at her and she sits there with her smiley face, all innocent. And boy, she can be loud. I can ignore her most of the time, but my hubby sometimes gets crazy from it and yells from the living room, 'Poppy, shut up!' I tell him that he will tear down her self esteem if he does that, (I read it on the Internet) but he says he doesn't care. Bastard!
Stevie Wonder is my daughters white rabbit. He is completely blind, hence the name. He is a wonderful little guy and gets around by feeling with his chin before he hops, so he hops quite slow. Bunny had quite a crush on him up until recently when Stevie bit her on the foot. The romance was instantly over. I guess Bunny was paying attention when I gave the speech on not taking any abuse from a spouse.
Finally, there is my daughter's hamster named Lucy. She has the biggest features I've ever seen on a hamster. Big nose, ears and mouth. She's orange in colour and so funny to watch.
I don't have a pic of her up but I'll find one and put it up.
Now, the thing is...Holly and I have voices we do for all the animals, so we actually have long drawn out conversations with all the animals putting their two cents in. We do it so often that we don't even notice anymore. Below is a typical 'conversation' between Holly, I and whatever animal is around.
Me: Bunny, what am I going to make for dinner?
Bunny/Holly: Mom, I think we should have steak.
Lumpy/Me: Nooo, raw carrots!
Bunny/Holly: Why does Lumpy get to decide? You asked me, Mom.
Poppy/Me: Why don't you all die?
Stevie/Holly: I vote for the carrots!
Bunny/Holly: Mom, Poppy is threatening us...
Lumpy/Me: Mom, I've been saying that for weeks..
Poppy/Me: If I ever get out of this cage, I'll kill you all in your sleep!
This goes on every day. Now that I see this written down, I'm beginning to think a good therapist may be required!
Poppy/Me: It won't help, I'm still going to kill you the first chance I get!!!