Saturday, September 23, 2006

You Can't Tell a Cook By Her Mother

It's Saturday. I've been off work for three days with a really bad stomach flu. Oh, what an adventure. I think I've been turned inside out and left for dead....except I lived.
My point is, in between running back and forth to the bathroom, I have been watching the Food Network, which I have a secret addiction to. O.K. I admit it. I'm a foodie. Translation...when I cannot keep a thing down because of the flu, I'm obsessed with food enough to enjoy watching the Food Network even then!
Other people have a '10 second rule' when they drop things on the floor. I could be cleaning out under a dresser that I haven't cleaned under in a year, find an old green M&M, giggle hysterically and yell out 'five year rule!' As I blow all the dust off of it and am poised to pop it into my mouth, my hubby yells back from the living room, 'Tory, whatever it is you found, don't eat it.' Crap!!
Anyway, some of these shows can be quite funny. There's one show where the woman helps couples to get their kids to eat better by hiding foods that are good for them in with food's they'll eat. It can be quite humerous at the end when the kid's still won't eat it. The host pretends that she didn't see the kid take a bite and spit it back out on his plate. That's what you get when you mollycoddle. It's a far cry from when I was young and my mother would tell me to eat it or she would sell me. Like all mothers are, my mother was a great motivational speaker! 'Tory, if you don't eat that, do you know what will happen to you?' I'd gulp, 'No'. 'Your arms will atrophy and fall off.' 'You eat carrots for your arms, broccoli for your legs..etc.' 'Don't you remember last week when you saw the man with only one leg? Not enough broccoli!' I gasped! 'I didn't know that!' 'That's why you have a mother, so I can explain stuff to you.' I thought that she had a physician-like understanding of the human body. 'Mom, you should have been a Dr.' 'No, I couldn't do that. You have to take an oath to 'do no harm' and I hate people. It would be a conflict of interest.'
Back to my ramblings about the Food Network.
There is this one british lady, who really cooks fantastic foods, but I have a terrible time watching her. The second the food is done, she digs into it. That's fine, but some people are gross to watch eating and she's one of them. She grabs everything with her hands and wolfs it down. She eats right off of the serving platter even when she has company coming! Eeeeeeeew! I'm sure I saw her lick her elbow one time when she was covered in chocolate mousse. Let me put it to you this way, if your child ever swallows bleach or something else equally toxic and the poison control center instructs you to induce vomiting, just put on this cooking show. You'll have instant results.
I don't believe it!? Coincidently, her show is coming on now...gotta go!

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