I don't talk a lot about certain things on this blog. I do sometimes hold back on some things, however, I feel I need to explain why I'm sometimes inconsistent with my posts.
Of course, I've whined (I know that's supposed to be spelt 'whinged' but it looks weird) about my eyes until you are all ready to poke your own eyes out. Sorry about that, btw. I have several health issues going on at once here, (you know how I love to multi-task!) and I thought it only fair to come clean with some of it so you can understand why sometimes I can be hilarious and sometimes I just suck at it.
I finally went to see the rhumatologist. He confirmed that I have both Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fybromyalgia, which I suspected for over a year but my family Dr. insisted was my diabetes which is not fully under control. It wasn't until my endocrinologist said that it definitely was not my diabetes that was causing my problems, that my family Dr. sent me to the rhumatologist. Believe me, before that I felt like a total hypochondriac, like nobody believed me. Except for my family. They have seen me go from an active working and useful member of society, just over a year ago, to someone who can now not leave the house, can't clean the house, can't make meals or any other useful thing. I'm so frustrated some days and I feel pretty useless to everyone around me. The only thing I'm good at is sleeping. Most days it try not to let it get to me, but some days (like today) I get depressed at how small and useless my world is. Hubby and Holly have been so understanding, it just makes me feel guiltier. And the pain...constant, persistent and annoying. My arms and shoulders are in so much pain, I find it hard to dress and shower, or even brush my hair. Showering is an adventure in exhaustion and pain. I actually have a seat I use in the shower for when I just can's seem to stand anymore. If I have to go somewhere, I have to shower the previous night, because if I wait until the day I'm going, I will be too tired to go after my shower. It sounds ridiculous, but it's true.
I feel very vulnerable telling you all this, I don't know why. I like people to think I'm strong, but I am realizing I'm just not anymore..and that scares me..a lot.
The good news is, most days I am coping just fine, and these are the happiest days of my life really, because I am so secure with all the relationships in my life. Hubby and I are still very much in love and I have great relationships with my kids and grandkids. I don't think very many people can honestly say that, so I do know how very blessed I am. I guess we all have days when we have ourselves a little pity party, right?
So, friends, when I fail to post, it's usually because I am just too tired either physically or mentally.
There, I've said it, and that's all I have to say about that.
I hope you all have a great weekend!