Sunday, April 27, 2008

Lucy...You have some 'splainin to do..(think Cuban accent)

I don't talk a lot about certain things on this blog. I do sometimes hold back on some things, however, I feel I need to explain why I'm sometimes inconsistent with my posts.
Of course, I've whined (I know that's supposed to be spelt 'whinged' but it looks weird) about my eyes until you are all ready to poke your own eyes out. Sorry about that, btw. I have several health issues going on at once here, (you know how I love to multi-task!) and I thought it only fair to come clean with some of it so you can understand why sometimes I can be hilarious and sometimes I just suck at it.
I finally went to see the rhumatologist. He confirmed that I have both Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fybromyalgia, which I suspected for over a year but my family Dr. insisted was my diabetes which is not fully under control. It wasn't until my endocrinologist said that it definitely was not my diabetes that was causing my problems, that my family Dr. sent me to the rhumatologist. Believe me, before that I felt like a total hypochondriac, like nobody believed me. Except for my family. They have seen me go from an active working and useful member of society, just over a year ago, to someone who can now not leave the house, can't clean the house, can't make meals or any other useful thing. I'm so frustrated some days and I feel pretty useless to everyone around me. The only thing I'm good at is sleeping. Most days it try not to let it get to me, but some days (like today) I get depressed at how small and useless my world is. Hubby and Holly have been so understanding, it just makes me feel guiltier. And the pain...constant, persistent and annoying. My arms and shoulders are in so much pain, I find it hard to dress and shower, or even brush my hair. Showering is an adventure in exhaustion and pain. I actually have a seat I use in the shower for when I just can's seem to stand anymore. If I have to go somewhere, I have to shower the previous night, because if I wait until the day I'm going, I will be too tired to go after my shower. It sounds ridiculous, but it's true.
I feel very vulnerable telling you all this, I don't know why. I like people to think I'm strong, but I am realizing I'm just not anymore..and that scares me..a lot.
The good news is, most days I am coping just fine, and these are the happiest days of my life really, because I am so secure with all the relationships in my life. Hubby and I are still very much in love and I have great relationships with my kids and grandkids. I don't think very many people can honestly say that, so I do know how very blessed I am. I guess we all have days when we have ourselves a little pity party, right?
So, friends, when I fail to post, it's usually because I am just too tired either physically or mentally.
There, I've said it, and that's all I have to say about that.
I hope you all have a great weekend!
Take care


keith hillman said...

You are an inspiration. Life is clearly very problematatic - it's thrown so many difficulties your way, yet these are the happiest days of your life. I suddenly feel I know you better and I promise never to moan about a headache again!

Andrew said...

Yeah, I think Keith said it best. You're an inspiration. I do hope you get to feeling better soon. I know that sounds trite, but I mean it. I don't like to hear about a friend in pain. Take care and know that we are here!

Tory said...

Keith and Andrew, I hope you're made me Thank you friends, so much.
You both just proved how blessed I am.

Tink said...

You should never feel guilty about that. Life is messy. You can't do anything to change that. Do what's best for you and those who care and love you will always understand.

Tory said...

Thank you Tink. I'm trying. I'm grateful for all my friends on blogger who understand, like you.
Have a great week.

Holly said...

I still love you. I even think your funny. Your my favourite mom ever. (Your even better then the last one I had! HAHA)

Holly said...

I left you something on my blog that might make you laugh. Love you!

Suma said...

came here from keith's blog...

everyone needs to let off steam and you seem to have more than your share of problems...

do take care and ...and love your positivity in these lines..*these are the happiest days of my life really, because I am so secure with all the relationships in my life.*

Tory said...

Thanks Holly, it did make me laugh! I'm also very glad I'm your favorite mom, but aren't I the only mom you've ever had? I thought I was....
Love Mommy
Hi Suma. Thank you for the kind words. I really appreciate it.
Tink, you're a sweetheart. Thank you my friend for the encouragement. I feel a bit better now.
Love Tory

forsythia said...

Tory, dear friend,

I am so sorry to hear about your Chronic Fatigue and Fibromyalgia. Maybe you'll get some respite from these conditions. I have a friend with it, and the condition waxes and wanes, kind of like an evil moon. You're in my prayers. No one would ever guess from your blogs that you have a chronic illness. You are one feisty lady. You make so many others smile at your zany humor and your take on life.

Tory said...

Thank you Forsythia, I was just having one of 'those' days. But I'm feeling better now, thank you.
Thanks for your comment.
I do check back to see if there are any new ones.
Take care

Cheryl said...

Isn't it great to have a place where you can be yourself and know you'll have the support of friends? I'm so sorry for all of your pain. I can't imagine what it's like for you. I know how thankful you must be for the loves in your life. A lot of people don't have that. I have a teenager, and it's not a loving time over here, but that's

It's Wednesday...I hope it was a better day for you.

The_Mrs said...

I haven't been by for a bit and I apologize for that.

It's not a sign of weakness to say, "Hey.. I have some issues right now and I'm not always feeling 100%.. I'm human and shit happens." :)

I have come to be quite fond of you and love hearing about your life.

I hope you are feeling better about things now.

Smile and peace to you, my friend.


Tory said...

Dear friend, The Mrs, thank you so much for your kind words. I have also grown fond of you, I think we are really kindred spirits in a lot of ways.
I hope you had a great weekend and you have a great day today.
Take care