Thursday, April 24, 2008

Family + Me = FUN..

After NAI Hubby and I got married, we received our marriage certificate in the mail. I was so happy to be married to this man, I put it in a frame and hung it on our bedroom wall. A few days later, I noticed it had slipped in the frame and one half of the document had slipped down to the bottom of the frame on one side. (the frame was a little too big and I just centered it) I have never fixed it, because it really said a lot about our marriage. Nice normal guy, meets slightly loonie and cock-eyed woman. It was a perfect description of our marriage. He and I never, ever fight..not even a little. He has pretty well learned how to say, 'Yes, dear' in all the right spots, even though he's not really listening. And even though I'm aware of his tactics, I'm quite happy with things this way. So, I'm happy and I let him be happy..perfect match.
Once in a while, I find out he's not completely perfect, and that's o.k, because I would totally lose in the Olympic discipline of 'Are You Perfect?', myself.
Now, I'm going to let you all in on how not perfect he is...are you ready?....Here it comes...and..
He never puts a new roll on the toilet paper. Actually, neither does Holly. I remember one day, Hubby and Holly were watching t.v. and I came out of the bathroom. I actually had a roll of toilet paper and the roller in my hands. I yelled, 'Could I please have every one's attention for 2 seconds and then you can go back to your scheduled viewing!' I thus demonstrated, with visual aids, how to simply slide the toilet paper on the roll. I then screeched, 'Taaa Daaa! And at no time did my fingers leave my hands!! You may now go back to your regularly scheduled programming.' You know what's weird? They both actually sat there and watched me do this! I turned and marched my way back to the bathroom, giggling all the way. They really must be scared of me..tee hee.
Having that issue settled, I thought all was well in the house, until I ran to the bathroom and peed with the light off as is my usual habit. Oh, yes, the tissue was on the roll, but there was no tail left hanging down. By the time I finally found the start of the roll, I had practically air-dried. Hmmph...doesn't anybody have any bathroom etiquette? On my way out, I stopped in Holly's room. She was laying on her bed, and looked up at me when I yelled, 'Were born in a barn? If you don't leave a tail for me, I will so forbid you to use any toilet paper for 2 weeks!' I then told my hubby the same thing. I then spent the next week or so yelling, 'Don't forget to leave a tail,' every time they went into the bathroom.
When Ashley, Rob and the kids were down, I would announce the bathroom rules, about every second day or so. Ashley laughed at me and said, 'Mom, you're a loser.' True, but what does that have to do with my bathroom woes. It's like living with animals!!! Some people's Kids...and two of them are mine!
All this brings us to today. I have a bathroom mat that fits right in front of the toilet and goes to the wall. Every single time I go in, I have to straighten it out! So, I ran around here like a raving lunatic, (that's probably in my profile, Female, Mother, Raving Lunatic..etc) saying that, 'all bathroom privileges have been suspended until further notice!' Signed 'The Bathroom Prefect.' Ha, and they think I'm kidding!
Time for 'fun with hearing loss', kids. Yesterday I thought I heard the news anchor say, 'One man sent to hospital last night after a brutal flashing.'
You can imagine what I was thinking when I heard that! Was it so big someone put an eye out?
Apparently what she actually said was, 'a brutal slashing..' Whatever, mine was much more entertaining...and cheerful.

Conversations: Me: 'I have a huge floater in my eye that looks a lot like a sea horse. I even think it's almost life size.'
Hubby: 'Well, at least it's not a sperm!'
Me: 'Yeah, that's true.'
That's all for now.
Take care


Andrew said...

I got a big laugh out of this cause I am terrible about putting another roll on. I leave it sitting on the edge of my tub or on the back of my sofa. Glad you got that family trained! I am so glad to be reading you! I plugged you into Google Reader and now get notified when you update!

Tory said...

I always love seeing you around here, Andrew. I hope your having a great day!
Men seem to be all the same for certain things. What would happen if you suddenly had to go to the bathroom and then discovered that you left the roll on the back of the couch? That could be a disaster! lol
Take care my friend and I hope work is going good today.
Hugs to you and Maggie

sueke said...

hahahahah I love your honesty and openness. I will be back often to read your blogs. And I would never feel that you are whining, you are expressing yourself with words and repressing never healed a single soul.

peace love and empathy

Tory said...

Welcome Sueke! Things (usually me) are crazy on this blog, but it's fun.
Hope to see you back.
Take care.