Friday, June 06, 2008

Same old, Same old....

Hi all. Well, yesterday was Thursday, time for the old gouging out of the eye with a laser...ugh! It hurt more than ever but I think it's because I had iritis in this eye not so long ago and it may be more sensitive. I only have one session left on the same eye in two weeks time and I will be done...wooohoooo! Again, I left the room and had to make my way down the elevator and out of the hospital while crying like a big baby. How embarrassing. I'm standing in the elevator with like 6 other people, sobbing in my corner. Nobody knew where to look...including me. Gosh, what a suck I am. I'm usually very good with pain, but this just doesn't seem to be working for me.
Today I'm having quite a hard time seeing very clearly. Thank goodness I don't really need to see in order to type. Hopefully, it's readable.
The three new babies are getting so big. It looks like Marie may actually be white!..'You are not the father'! Strange, isn't it? Maybe there's something Poppy needs to tell Bailey..not that I think he'd care, really. I will get some new video of them today and put it on my photo/video blog. They are adorable.
Now for 'Things You Hardly ever get to say in real life:

1) 'If you do that for too long, will my eyeball explode?'
2) 'I have no children.' (That was for Forsythia!)
3) '(To my bewildered NAI Hubby) - I'm not going for my eye surgery unless your mother makes me egg salad sandwiches.'
4) 'I have a floater that's the shape of a seahorse still in my eye, can you blast it with the laser.' (Yes I said this to my surgeon, even though I knew that seahorses are on the endangered species list!) Btw, he wouldn't...bastard!
5) 'Gee I hope we can sell some of these baby birds...I feel like I'm in an Alfred Hitchcock movie.'
These may be things that one hardly ever gets to say, but I managed to say all that within the last 48 hours or so...sigh.
Anyway, in other news..and on a more serious note..I have stumbled across some pretty amazing blogs in the last week or so. They are blogs written by people who have what used to be called Multiple Personality Disorder, now called Dissociative Identity Disorder.(DID) The reason I am so interested in this disorder is because 'the mother unit', (my mother) had it. (I realize now how insensitive I was with her..even calling her Sybil all the time! She never caught on.) It was very stressful, to say the least, growing up with her, but reading these blogs has really given me some empathy for what 'the mother unit' was going through. She never sought any help for it, as every time she went near a psychiatrist, they would lock her up for various lengths of time. I really realize, after reading these blogs, that 'the mother unit' did the absolute best she could with what she had. It was not her fault that some of her 'people' hated me and she was not aware of what terrible things they did to me. She, to this day, does not remember anything she ever did that was traumatic to me. I once confronted her a few years ago with some of the things she did that still keep me up at night. The look on her face said it all! She said simply, 'That didn't happen.' I could tell from her reaction that she had no memory of it. I knew she wasn't lying. I dropped it, as I wasn't talking to the right person who actually would know what happened. I was frustrated, but I also realized that the woman I was speaking to just didn't know what was going on half the time. She was not aware of what the others inside her did and just had spaces of no memory all her life.
I digress!
I just want to thank these brave people who blog about this disorder. It can't be easy, actually, for them, life is very hard and I appreciate that they share with us how it is for them. I never thought of it from the other side before, and I've learned a lot from reading their and all their 'personalities' postings. God bless you for helping me to understand what I may not of considered before. Bringing awareness to DID will help to combat some of the stigma and misconceptions about it. May God grant you all some peace.
Anyhoo, have a great weekend all and I'll write again asap.
Take care


forsythia said...

Wow, Tory, I can almost feel your pain. Glad that you have only a few more treatments. Your posting about MPD/DID reminded me of a story in the Washington Post recently about a football player who suffered from this disorder. I set it aside to "read later" and then I ended up recycling it before I got to it. The story of my life.

Tory said...

Hi Forsythia!
Thanks so much for the encouragement. I really appreciate it. I'll be done with this eye thing soon though, thank goodness.
About the MPD/DID, I am beginning to believe that it is more prevalent than it ever has been. More people suffer from this disorder than we think. It used to be very rare, but I just don't think that's the case anymore. God bless those people that have to deal with it every day! My heart goes out to them.