The Ears Have It!

You can't tell by my picture on this blog, but I have enormous ears! My hubby says I don't, but, oh yes I do. It's something I've only noticed recently, say in the last five years.
They are so big, I have to gather them up when we're in the car or hubby won't be able to see out of the windshield to drive. If my car window is open, I have to be careful when I close it that my ears don't get caught. And, oh, for pete's sake, don't get them slammed in the car door. One time when we were on the highway, half a dozen cars went by on my side of the car, pointing to my door. Turns out, my ear was dragging along on the outside of the door. We had to pull over and gather it up, all scraped and dirty. If I get on public transit and walk down the aisle, I can take out six people at a time.
Now at my last job, we would have these useless meetings, and there was a man who worked with us that had the biggest nose I've ever seen. His nostrils were huge! I would catch myself staring at him, I couldn't help it. I feel your pain, buddy. Sometimes I would daydream about a duel between him and I. I'd walk by and he would lift his nostril and trap me inside. I would look around and see bats and stalagmite hanging in there, maybe an abandoned car on blocks. I would then start pounding on his sinuses with my fists. Finally, after much struggling, I would manage to turn my head in just the right way to get my ear outside his nostril. I would then slap him in the face with my free ear until he dropped me out of his sinus. He would chase me around the office, trying to get me back under his nose to capture me again. I would fend him off wildly slapping with first one ear and then the other until he saw little birdies flying around his head, just like in cartoons.
I miss the office meetings....