Busy Bee...

Gee, I think I'm busier now than I was when I was going to Ottawa three times a week for dialysis!
It seems constant with nurses coming in and out of my home and it seems that there is a delivery guy at my door every single day with yet another box. I'm beginning to feel like a Walmart warehouse with all the boxes filled with the crap needed for my medical stuff...ugh. It didn't help that I discovered I had a hole in the bottom of my foot I didn't know about for who knows how long which got infected so I also had I.V. antibiotics for 4 days, which caused a whole new batch of boxes to be delivered. Crazy!
That is really all my life has been about for the last little while and I fear I have nothing new to write at this time, but wanted to check in. Will write again soon.

Busy Bee...

I finally received my pd catheter in my belly so that once it heals, I will be able to do my own dialysis at home..hooray!
I am so sick, already, of having to get up at 5:30 a.m. Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays and making the 1 and 1/2 hour trek to Ottawa...ugh. On the other hand, I don't want to seem too ungrateful that I can go to dialysis to stay alive. But it will be so much better when I can do it at home.
Now I have 2 big tubes sticking out of me..strange.
Anyway, otherwise, I'm doing pretty good, I think.
It was my birthday on Friday, it's been like a three day long celebration this year. On Friday I went to dialysis, (car problems on Thursday), and then NIA hubby, Holly and I went to this terrific buffet that I love where I got my meal free because it was it was my birthday. Fun!
Just before I left for dialysis, my front door burst
 open and in came my beautiful grandchildren, full of happy birthdays and presents and flowers. It was wonderful and totally made my day. I must say, my grandchildren are about the most loving kids I've ever met. It was so nice.
Yesterday, my NIA hubby and I went to dinner by ourselves, kind of a date night, and then we came home and watched some dvds together. My favorite place to be...home with hubby. But I was very tired and went to bed about 11p.m.
Now today, we have my birthday bar-b-que, which has become a bit of a tradition for any family birthday. That means we all get together and have a good time and it will be even nicer with the addition of Holly's boyfriend, Matilda.  Well, that's what we call him...lol.
By the way, it is also Holly and Matilda's 2 year anniversary. My goodness, time does fly. It may be 2 years, but I knew the first week that Matilda was 'the one' for Holly.
Once my pd catheter heals, I will need to go to Ottawa and spend a week there to learn how to use it. I hope it will be soon.
Take care!

So, I've been having dialysis for 3 weeks and I must say...it sucks. One of the things dialysis accomplishes besides removing toxins is to also remove excess fluid that can become a problem if it gets in your lungs...which it has in my case. The problem is that for some reason when they get a bit aggressive in trying to remove the liquid, my body doesn't react well. My arteries collapse, I can't breath and I begin to throw up. Yeah, I'm so elegant. All the other people there are quietly reading or sleeping and I'm retching loudly and passing out. Poor Holly, I actually had a seizure in front of her once. Sigh....This past Saturday was the first time it actually went smooth with no problems. I'm always such a pain in the ass.
Spring has tried to 'sprung' but we have had a cold spell in the last few days. Hurry up spring.
So let's talk duck-billed platypus. It's time, don't you think? We can't avoid it forever. Anyway, I have always been fascinated by this mysterious creature. I just happened to catch a show on T.V. today where they were trying to catch one to get some of it's venom. Really? Who knew? So they finally catch one of them with a net and I was stunned to find out they are really small. I had always imagined them to be about the size of a beaver or bigger but no, they are about the size of a large squirrel but much wider and heavier. I also did not know that the males have spurs on the backs of their legs which have venom. Amazing. So, now I know something new about an animal I have been fascinated with all my life. They are second only to my beloved sloth which I dearly love.
My diabetic legs have finally given up on me and NIA hubby bought me a cane. Stairs have become my nemesis and I look like a total idiot getting up them. The cane doesn't seem to help much there as I would have to have the upper body strength of the Hulk to pull myself up, but it does help in walking around. Hopefully I won't fall as much. Keep in mind, I have the girth of a 90 foot redwood!
But I have a plan..I will hollow out the cane and put some gin in it for emergencies. Works for me..
We are having a turkey dinner tonight. Not because it's Thanksgiving but because we were threatened by pilgrims, turkeys were on sale a while back. But for some reason it just doesn't feel right to have a turkey dinner randomly throughout the year. But that will not stop me from enjoying every mouth full

Life Is Slothy...

What a week! I began to get a tooth infection last Wednesday and on Thursday I got in touch with my dentist. The problem is, I am allergic to any of the freezing they offer so the next time I get any work done, I will have to be put to sleep. In waiting for that, my tooth became infected. I was put on antibiotics but they weren't working very well. The infection became so acute that the dentist said I should go to the hospital. It just so happened that on Thursday morning, my kidney Dr. called with the results of my blood test. Time for me to get to the hospital as my creatnine numbers were very high. I was actually scheduled on Friday to have the surgery to have the tube put in my stomach to do dialysis at home. But it was all too late and ended up in the hospital and they put some kind of tube in my neck/chest and am doing dialysis 3 times per week. Ugh....it sucks. I now have to wait for the infection in my tooth to be completely gone before I can get the tube inserted to be able to do it at home. Oh well, it's not the Holocaust...and some people have it worse, so I won't complain...well much.
Other than that, I think things are going pretty good. Holly cleaned off our deck on Sunday when I came home from the hospital and it was lovely sitting out there in the sun. It just felt so good on my bones, if you know what I mean. Gorgeous.
Holly gave me the best Mother's Day gift ever. It is a hundred dollar gift card to a place called Kiva. You lend money to people in third world countries to help them start little businesses. I love it so much. I have lent $25 dollars to 4 very hardworking women who run small fish/fruit stands in their villages. This not only helps these women and their families, they have found it also helps their communities. This type of micro financing is such a good idea and whoever thought of it is so brilliant. They do pay back each loan with a small interest and you are then free to reinvest with them or someone else. Thanks Holly...you're the best. Check it out at www.kiva.org.
She and Ashley both know how to shop for me. For Christmas, Holly bought me a donation to the sloth program in the Amazon. The sloth has been my favorite animal since I was a teenager. They sent me a little sloth stuffed animal that I cherish as it is not easy to ever find anything 'sloth' in general. As a matter of fact, I took my sloth to the hospital with me and sat it on my t.v. So cute.
Ashley gave me a subscription to my long time favourite magazine and I can't tell you how great that is when I am in the hospital. Love you guys!
I never wrote here that the 'Love Nest' is up for sale. Since we've moved so far from it now, we are selling it and plan to buy one closer to home. I can't wait. I really miss it. But it looks like we have some interest this year in it. I will keep my fingers crossed.
Nothing much else new, just trying to dance naked in the tulips with my sloth adjust to life on dialysis.
Take care,

This And That...

I love animals. All animals except bugs and bats. I draw the line at things that have such good 'sonar' that they fly right into you. And trust me, they do. I know, bugs are not animals, but, whatever. Anyway, the one animal I've never been extremely crazy about is cats. It's not that I didn't like them, I was just never a cat person. When the girls were growing up, we usually had a cat of some sort, mostly because Ashley loves cats and would constantly bring one home. I didn't usually pay much attention to them as it was the girls job to take care of it. The point of my story is coming. So, when we moved here 3 years ago, and we live beside Ashley.  Ashley had a cat that I actually fell in love with. Whiskers was an indoor/outdoor cat. A great big girl who happened to be pregnant at the time. Once we moved in, she began to come to our house instead of Ashley's. I liked her, so I couldn't turn her away, and she never went to Ashley's house again! We all just accepted it and I would actually look for her at night and worry if she didn't come home. I began to really love this cat. When it came time for her to have her babies, we made a bed for her in the bottom shelf in the kitchen, which she loved. She ended up having 5 healthy and diversely coloured babies. I really didn't pay that much attention to the babies, but she was a good mother. Eventually, Ashley said she was finding a home for them. And she did. But, somehow, we ended up with Noel, a beautiful little black and white kitten. One day, I realized that Whiskers had been gone from home too long. I just knew in my gut that something was wrong. We looked for her several times that day. Hubby came in from outside and told me that she was under our car and wouldn't come out. I ran outside and laid on the ground to have a look. Just one look told me she was hurt, as she was panting and wouldn't move. My heart broke. The only way to get her out from under the car was to pull her out by the tail. I did so, as quickly, but as gently as possible. She screamed in pain. I carefully scooped her up and we made a soft bed for her. Once we had her comfortable, I had a good look at her. There was no blood, but you could tell she was terribly broken inside. Internal injuries. For sure she was hit by a car. It was too late to find a vet, so I stayed awake with her most of the night. She seemed alright as long as she didn't move. Of course, we took her to the vet first thing the next morning and it was as I thought. We had to have her put down, and it broke my heart. I was surprised at how upset I was about it, because I have never bothered about a cat before.
Whiskers was gone, but at least we had one of her offspring. But can you have 2 cats as good as Whisker? I am flabbergasted to report that Noel is the best cat I've ever seen. He's as sweet as Whiskers, but he's an indoor cat only, so I don't have to worry. I honestly love him with my whole heart. And he's totally a mommy's cat. He loves me too. Amazing! I now love cats! All I can say is that, Whiskers and now Noel, have been wonderful ambassadors for cats.
By the way, here is a picture of Ashley's new cat. She's about as pretty a cat as I've ever seen, but my heart is with Noel.

I almost forgot to report the good news that my heart is completely fine. Yay!

Is It Spring Yet??

Oh what fun it is around here! I was back in the hospital last week, but only for 2 days. Water in my lungs again because of a stupid cold, plus just an over abundance of water in my body. Stupid kidneys, stupid water...especially stupid kidneys! Ah well, life goes on. I do however have my bag packed to go back to the hospital as my creatnine levels (protein in my pee, I think) are outrageous and I just escaped dialysis by the skin of my teeth last week, however, creatnine steadily going up, so just waiting for the results of a blood test I took today.
Holly will soon be tested to see if she will be able to give me one of her kidneys. At first, I was dead set against it, but have been reassured 100 times that she is at a very low risk for diabetes, so, although I'm not totally convinced quite yet, It won't hurt to see if we're a match.
But we must remember, we are dealing with a 'Holly' here.  Ever since this discussion has been on the table, she uses it to her advantage. 'Mom, your kidney feels like scrambled eggs, could you make them like only you can?'  O.K. she may have me over a barrel now, but once it's been determined that we are a match, she had better get out the frying pan, because I've been on youtube and have a pretty good idea how to remove a kidney. I may do it myself. Surprise Holly! All I need is...um..vice-grips, an anvil and a bazooka.  Oh no, sorry...that's knitting.
Anyhoo, I am really sorry my posts are so health oriented as really, I don't have anything else going on right now that doesn't include clowns, pasteurized milk and rubber sheets my kidneys.
I absolutely love that strikethrough feature we have on blogger and my New Year's resolution (Tory-come-lately!) is to use it at least once during each post.
I will try to post on a regular basis, but if I'm away, I am probably in the hospital getting my kidneys stapled to my bottom lip or something, and I will post in 7 years the minute I get home.
Take care!

I love to crochet and I have been doing quite a bit of it the last year or so, you know, to keep me busy and out of the pool halls. Anyway, I am not really crazy about knitting although I know how as I find it kind of hard. But there is a neck warmer that I have been dying to knit for myself for years, but wanted a specific wool for it and just never got around to buying it for myself. Well, I got some perfect wool recently for the project and so I am going for it...ugh. So, there I sat yesterday, sweating and wearing out my arms because I always cast the first row on way too tight. NIA hubby was watching t.v. when I suddenly cried out that I needed vice grips, an anvil, and a bazooka. He didn't bother to get me the items I asked for, for some unknown reason, but I did manage to finally get through the dreaded first row. So far so good, but I really don't remember my mother-in-law going through this when she knitted.
This morning I had to be up early for some tests on my heart. It was a stress test, but because I am unable to do the treadmill, they stress your heart chemically. When I went in they gave me an I.V. and then put the medicine in to stress my heart. Suddenly I felt terrible, and had a lot of pressure on my chest. I was also pretty sure I was going to be sick. They assured me this was normal, and  for the next 5 or 10 minutes I felt like I was going to die. It was awful. They then gave me another shot and miraculously, it all suddenly went away and I felt fine. Geez, glad that's done as it really sucked. Then I had to go and have something to eat and went for more pictures but it was easy.  Tomorrow morning I must go for some follow up pictures and then I should get the results on Friday. I'll keep you posted on that.
Holly showed me something very interesting today and I think it would be worthwhile for people to read about this amazing lady who did so much and never really received the acknowledgement she truly deserved. So, if you have the time, please go to http://www.irenasendler.org/ and learn about an exceptional lady.
Take care,

March Madness and Other Observations..

I am one of those old fogies that regularly uses the Internet but have no idea of how it actually works.  Since I have two young adult children who are used to all this tech stuff, I periodically ask them if they know how it works and where is all this info actually stored.  It sounds like they are trying to tell me that it is basically stored in the air! What? So, of course, me being a Tory...my mind goes there. (Where no Tory has gone before). Anyway, some afternoons when I'm in repose in my living room there is a wonderful shaft of sunlight that comes through my window. As I watch, there is often a piece of dust or pet hair that floats through the light. Or is it?? Could it actually be that e-mail that I've been waiting for from E-bay regarding my emergency spanx order? Did I just sneeze because my nose was jammed with spam, just as my in-box is?? Now I hear my girls talking about how they are filling the 'clouds' with this stuff. When it rains will we all be sifting through the puddles looking for e-mails we didn't receive? (like my love letter from Brad Pitt that must have gotten lost in someones nose.) I really still don't quite get the concept and it really boggles my mind that someone does. However, I'm glad I don't have to understand it to use it, because I do love it.
I am about to reveal a secret about myself that only my family knows...I love watching MMA. What a great job to be able to  punch people in the face and get paid for it   to express yourself in such a physical way. What do you mean I have anger issues?
Just in case I have a lapse in writing on here, let me assure you, I really have a good excuse for the next little while.  My health proves to be more challenging by the second. Next month, I go and have surgery to have a tube installed in my belly to accommodate dialysis as my kidney's are nearly done. NIA hubby is going to see if he is a match for a doner and if it will be safe for him to donate. If not I will be placed on a waiting list for a doner.  The kidney problems are a result of a lifetime of diabetes which I never really took seriously in my younger days. I sure am paying for it now. I have retinopathy which could make me blind, however there is a treatment, which I am taking now, (needles in the eyeballs....ewwww) that seem to be working and will keep blindness away for a good while. However, I have a bunch of cataracts that are going to be removed by surgery this month. And now, something new and exciting that I learned last week from my Endocrinologist....heart problem. Angina, to be specific, so last Wednesday I spent the day going to med appointments all day. The first thing in the morning I had a heart ultrasound, then I rushed to a mammogram at the local hospital and then Holly had to drive me about an hour away to a big hospital in Ottawa so a surgeon could check out the site of my operation for the dialysis tube. It was such a long day for me, because A) I have fybro myalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome and B) the angina causes extreme fatigue.
And besides all that, I have such extreme nerve damage in my feet and legs, from the diabetes, I am unable to walk very well.  As of late, i use a wheelchair every chance I can or I just don't go.
Now, do not feel sorry for me. I know it sound like a lot, but I'm doing fine. My life is not the same as it used to be, but I'm still enjoying it. I am a homebody anyway, so I have several hobbies that keep me busy and happy. And my family makes my life so easy, they really do. I am so blessed to have them. Anyway, as you can see, I will be busy for awhile because once they give me my dialysis tube, I must spend a week in Ottawa for training on how to do home dialysis. I stay at a hotel at night but spend the best part of the day learning to do my own dialysis. And of course, my Dr. said that if they find more than one artery blocked, I will have to go for bypass surgery a.s.a.p. I am really trying to be careful to not have a heart attack and damage my heart before they fix it. And I was kind of hoping that bypass was day surgery and I could go home after, but she informed me that I would be in I.C.U. for 5 days!!! Are they crazy?? I was seriously thinking me and the surgeon...my bathtub...I'll hand him the instruments...no? That is the worst part of the whole thing...I hate the hospital with a passion. I feel so uncomfortable not sleeping at my own house. I don't even go and sleep at family's houses. I remember a few months ago, I had built up so much water in my body, when I got a cold I found one afternoon that I couldn't breath. I thought I was just congested from the cold, but the next afternoon, I really couldn't breath (which makes it so hard to smoke...lol) and NIA hubby called an ambulance. Very embarrassing...Anyway, sure enough, I had water in my lungs. They kept me at the local hospital for a few days, but I had a bunch of stuff wrong with me and needed a blood transfusion. Finally, they sent me by ambulance to the hospital in Ottawa. After they got me settled and I was alone, I actually started to cry. I just wanted to go home. What a baby. Being sick constantly doesn't really bother me, I take it in stride, but I would love to have to never have to go to the hospital again. That is why, unless I'm sure I'm dying, I never go to the E.R. for anything as they always keep me for some reason or another. Ugh!
Anyway, onward and upward as they say. But in spite of all this, I am really looking forward to summer this year. I am going to spend most of it sitting on a dock on the St. Laurence River with my fishing pole. It is the most relaxing way to spend time and it's not strenuous. All I need is my tackle box and a lovely hat. That's what I call a perfect day!
Take Care,

Why?

Well, there is nothing that can be said that hasn't already been said this week.  It is not just the Sandy Hook School that is in mourning and shock over the events of last Friday. Forsythia, if I had an answer for it, I would tell you...I'm not sure there's any kind of answer that could really answer the question, 'why'.  Even if there was an answer to this question, it would never be good enough to justify what has happened.
U.S., you must give up a little of your 'right to bear arms' to keep people safe. Even if it's just to give up the right to bear assault rifles. These can't be used for hunting or anything useful to the average person. They are meant to be used in the military to shoot 100 rounds at once. To kill many in a very short time. Why would the average citizen need this?
When asked about his feelings on this issue, someone from the NRA insensitively commented, "Guns are fun!"
Yes, and the people of New Town have been laughing hysterically all week, buddy....

Yes, I'm Back!

It has been a very long time since I've posted, and for that I am truly sorry.  I have been all wrapped up in getting all my crazy health problems sorted out, but I think I have a handle on it now.
Let's see...to catch up...
NAI Hubby is doing great in his new venture.  It was slow to start, of course, but it's coming along. I'm so proud of him!  He has also been so supportive and caring through all my health problems, I do believe that he is the best hubby ever! And I do mean that. How did I get so blessed. Just when I think my life is spinning out of control, I look over at him and he says, "I got you."  Sigh...then everything is right in my world once again. What more could I possibly ever want?
My Holly is doing so great as well.  She just turned...well, she's in her mid 20's or so..(I have no idea how old she is) but anyway, she just had her birthday Nov. 30 and she's definately a year older than last year, if that helps.  She's still in christian school trying to earn her doctorate, but there are a lot of steps.  She's working hard on that as well as doing a lot of work for the church.  She may be taking over the youth group soon.  Now for the 'big' Holly news...she has a boyfriend.  She has been with him for over a year and it looks like he is the one!  He's a wonderful boy. Very smart, a christian, involved with the church and we just love him.  More importantly, Holly is completely in love with him and vice-versa.  They are in pre-marital counceling with the pastor and seem to be doing everything right in order to be ready for marriage and all it entails.  I love how happy she is. It's wonderful and I really believe they were made for each other. Even though they are in pre-marital councelling, they're in no rush to get to the alter just yet.  But, they are so cute together.  I'm very pleased. And his parents are just wonderful people. They love Holly very much and she spends a lot of time over there. I love that Holly has such a good relationship with his parents.
Ashley, Rob and the kids are doing great as well. They are very excited for Christmas. The kids are getting so big, I just can't believe it. They grow so fast..Here is a recent pic...

Well, see you soon.

Life's Good.....

Hey all.,,
I have been a busy beaver lately and things will only get busier here. The changes that have happened in our lives in the span of one year is astonishing. There's a lot of news to report..some big, some not so big,
First of all, NAI Hubby just got his realty license and is starting with a very up and coming company. I cannot express how proud of him I am, By nature, he is a very cautious guy, and for him to make such a huge career change was a big leap of faith. I am fully confident that he is going to do well. I know that he feels like it's a fresh start and is really looking forward to delving into his new career. Way to go, honey!!
As for me, yesterday was my birthday and it was the best birthday ever! I got my acceptance letter from a Christian University. I have decided to go for my PHD in Christian Counselling. Of course, first I need to get my Bachelors and Masters, which they offer as a combined course. So, I'm all signed up and ready to go. I am so excited about this, I could spit up!! I'm going to be a doctor....hahaha. That could scare anyone! Actually, Holly and I have a running joke...we look at each other and exclaim, "I'm going to be a Dr.", and then we make these weird fish faces and laugh our heads off. However, Holly is not good at making a fish face and I keep telling her that if she doesn't get better at it, she will only become a weatherman. Mother knows how these things work!! Hilarious.
Also, for my special day, NIA Hubby bought me a beautiful pearl pendent and matching earrings. I am crazy about pearls. And then he took me for dinner at a nice European restaurant. All in all, it was truly a lovely day. Later this week we will be having a b-day bar-b-que with the kids.
Holly is doing very well. She's plugging away at school and has made some friends and is out and about a lot. I actually miss the little brat sometimes, but I'm very happy that she is becoming more independent. As much as I'd like to keep her forever, it is time for her to get out in the world a bit. Sob.....lol.
The only bad news has been my health. My kidneys are not in good shape and I will soon be on dialysis, and on the doner list. My fibromyalgia has progressed to the point where I must use a wheelchair if I want to shop or do anything that entails walking or standing too long. Whatever! Blah, blah, blah. I don't even care! I am such a happy little puppy these days, I take the health crap in stride. If I have to council from a wheelchair, so what, I can do that. Sometimes I feel like I can do anything...and my family says I can.

Geez, it's Always Something....

Sometimes it's a pain being me...
I went to see the kidney Dr. yesterday and my kidneys are totally mad at me. I have only 16% kidney function left. I'm so dumb sometimes...when the Dr. first said that to me I almost burst out with...'16% out of what?!' OMG, thank goodness I didn't...lol.
Anyway, she said they are going to try and keep what functions I still have but if it should go down to 10%, I have to go on dialysis. Yikes!
They gave me the, 'you are now living with kidney disease' speech and gave me a bunch of pamphlets. I have an appointment to see a special kidney dietician on the 31st of March. Apparently, you can't eat so many things when your kidneys are compromised..crap. Even stuff that's good for you..like tomatoes and beans of any kind. Kind of wierd.
So, I did something today that no non-medical person should ever do. I did some research at the Kidney Assoc. of Canada website. I wish I hadn't now...this is going to really suck, I think. Sigh....
Ah, well, life goes on...
So, I don't need a chrystal ball to know what's ahead for me in the next while...Drs., Drs, and more Drs. Sorry people, my dance card is full..lol.
Anyhoo, aside from that, life is good..it really is. I'm enjoying my life as it stands and will continue to do so no matter what's going on. This crap never really stops me from enjoying stuff, and I have a pretty good attitude about these things. Possibly I'm just too dense to comprehend it all, but whatever.
Take care,

Make No Mistake.....

Well, one could certainly become discouraged by watching the news these days. So much terrible news from every corner of the globe.

I am constantly finding myself praying for the people of Japan. They are saying that there are like 9,000 people dead and 12,000 people still missing. They seem like biblical numbers to me. We have donated to the Red Cross and I would encourage everyone to give, but if you can't give, think of and pray for them. It's not going to be o.k. there for a very long time. Make no mistake, anything we can do is a help and we must not forget about them in a month or two when it's not a top news story anymore.

Then there is the mess going on in the Middle East. Those poor people in Libya are going through hell. Their lives will never be the same again either, I'm sure.

France, Spain, U.S., the Emirates, Britain etc..are sending all their best weapons and aircraft to overthrow this brutal regime. I am sort of wondering what Canada is sending over??
Above is a picture of our Navy, at the ready to assist the allies...sigh....

The media has gone to great pains to avoid using the word 'war' in connection to this campaign against Libya, but make no mistake, this indeed is a war. There, I said it. It may even turn into a world war when all is said and done.

Keep praying....

Take care

I'm O.K....

So, I'm O.K. for now. My creatnine levels are pretty high and getting higher by the minute. I have an early appointment to see a Nepherologist (or something like that) who is a kidney Dr. and with and endocrinologist which is a diabetic Dr. They let me go from emerg so I thought my Dr. over-reacted, but as he told me, it fast-tracked me to see these specialists. Otherwise, I would have had a very long wait and by then I could be in serious trouble.
I'm a mess, but I'm not dying this week...good thing cause I have laundry. Besides, my house is really messy right now and there's just no room to die!!
One time I had a Dr. ask me, after looking at my blood sugar levels, if I was trying to kill myself...and without missing a beat I replied, "Yes, but I'm not very pro-active...a bit lazy, maybe.." He thought that was the funniest thing he'd ever heard...I was pretty serious though. Good news is, I don't feel that way anymore, and I am striving everyday to try and take control of my health for my family's sake and my own. I'm too happy to die right now.
Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. It worked!!
Take care,

News and Views...

Well, I know it's been awhile again..
I have been so busy lately. I am happily doing the 'grandma thing' and am crocheting hexagon blankets for my precious little people. They are a lot of work, I must say, but worth the effort. They are looking good.
Also, for Christmas I received a Kindle. OMG...I'm in love. I have not been able to read a book for about 2 years because of my eyesight and now I can read again. Believe it or not, I'm reading War and Peace. Boy, what a good book. I love my Kindle.
Have not been feeling very energetic lately and just feel blah in general. I was not able to get a family doctor in this area until last month finally. So on Monday I went for my blood test as I have a full physical scheduled for next Monday. However, my Dr. phoned me tonight with the results of my blood and urine tests and he wasn't a happy camper. Apparently, my kidneys are failing. He wanted me to go right to the hospital and get admitted but I talked him out of it. But NIA hubby is insisting I go in tomorrow. Old poop! But I don't wanna.....sigh.
Apparently I'm in pretty bad shape...snort....who knew?? Actually, I really suspected something was wrong with my kidney functions but I figured as long as I was peeing, what could be wrong? I thought if my kidneys failed, I would stop peeing and then I'd go into the hospital. But the Dr. says I'm not peeing the right stuff and I am full of toxins. I wonder what would happen if I spit on someone??? Kidney cooties I suppose....
Guess who's taking their Kindle to the hospital??
So, I'll keep you posted as soon as I get back. Please send prayers and kind thoughts my way...I may need them.
I will put up some pics of the new animals we have now.
Take care,

Happy New Year All!!

Well, it's been fun around here lately. We have all had the flu since basically Christmas Eve. I was really looking forward to this Christmas as it was the first one here with my grandbabies. Then the challenge just became to survive making all the food. Ugh!! However, even with the challenges, we had a great time together, as a whole family. Even on Christmas night, poor Rob had to leave right after dinner as he was feeling terrible. However, in spite of it all, it was still a great Christmas altogether.
Holly, Ashley, Rob and I all chipped in together and bought NIA Hubby a beautiful fish aquarium, including all the trimmings. We got a great deal on it from the classified ads and it even came with a beautiful hand-made cabinet and a lot of fish accessories such as bridges, plants, castles etc... Don't tell him I told you this, but he actually cried when he saw what it was. He loved it and had always wanted one. It was so nice to see him so happy. God bless his heart, he will kill me for writing this, but it was a beautiful sight to me. I just love that man so much!! I honestly don't know how long we've been married, but we've been together for 10 years and I still feel so in love with him. I don't think I'll ever tire of loving this man. And he spoiled me this Christmas with the most beautiful camera ever. It's one of those new ones....the Canon Rebel. I really wanted it, but in a million years, I never thought I'd own one. And Holly bought me the greatest thing. It is a picture frame that....how do I explain it....it shows a slide show of pictures. You actually have to plug it in! I have no idea of how to use it, but it's going to be great when I take some great pics with my camera and then put them in the frame. What will they think of next?? I asked Holly how we would push the pictures into the frame and she said you have to push them in manually. I believed her until NAI Hubby said she was making fun of me and it wasn't true. Whatever...brat!
We only had one sad spot over Christmas, and that was the death of Poppy. I miss her and all her badness. Poor Bailey. But he's doing fine.
I have been wanting to go to the bird sanctuary ever since getting my camera, but as I've said, been sick on an unbelievably consistent basis. I hope I get there soon, and will post some pics on my photo blog a.s.a.p.
Now for some 'things you hardly ever get to say'....
1) I discovered that I love the smell of Ozenol. I cut my arm and when NIA Hubby put some on my cut, I noticed how clean it smelled. So, every once in awhile, Hubby would catch me sniffing my arm. Somewhere in between all this, Hubby said he was going to make me some coffee and I asked him if I could have a glass of water too. Without batting an eye, he had the nerve to call me an..'arm sniffing, double drinker'! Well, I never....At first I thought..'sticks and stones..etc' but then I thought...'Cool, how often do you get to say that?'
2) Me, talking earnestly to Holly...'Do you realize that we don't have a long distance plan on our phone?? What if I wanted to call Peru or even Romania. Well, I just couldn't could I??' I really hate it when she gives me one of her blank stares.
3) 'The sharks have been hiding in the trees for 2 days now.' (Me noticing the aquarium.)
4) 'I think I am actually Eastern European because all I ever feel like eating these days are black bread and liverwurst.'
5) 'I think the dog peed in my shoe....again!'
6) 'Look, even the animals are in the Christmas spirit...the cat has tinsel sticking out of her butt!'
Anyhoo, I'd like to wish you all a very good 2011. May God bless you all and make this the best year ever!

Oh dear, Oh dear......sorry, with an explanation.

I am finally back. I know, it's been too long, but I was having some trouble with my computer and could not see any colour in my blog, therefore making it impossible to write anything. I have finally had my computer fixed and I'm ready to go. I've missed writing on here.

So, lets catch u all up on what's new around here! In the obituary section....we lost Bunny and had to have her put down. She was a very sick girl so we let her go. Our poor baby. We now have two other dogs and 3 cats in addition to the others. What a petting zoo!

I am living right next door to my wonderful grandbabies and I love it. I don't miss anything now. I will be putting up new pics a.s.a.p. of both kids and animals.I have loved my life since moving here. I've made some great friends and enjoying my family.

Next Thursday, Holly is taking Ashley on a her dream 4 day holiday to New York City. Ashley has always wanted to go there so they are heading out on a bus tour and will be back Sunday. Ashley is so excited as they will be seeing the Rockettes Christmas Extravaganza and dining at one of Gordon Ramsay's restaurants. I'll be making sure that the babies are being fed and Rob isn't going crazy.

I will be going back to school for my BA in Christian Counseling so I'm excited. Keeps me out of the pool halls..ha, ha.

Holly is doing great, but she's the worst driver ever! Worries me sometimes, but she doesn't go far, thank goodness. She's doing well in school and is keeping at it.

That's all for now, but don't worry, I'll be back!

Tory

Happy New Year!!! O.k. I'm back....

I bet you guys thought I fell off the face of the earth by now. I didn't, but what a ride it has been.
So, I left the job at the shelter, as they wouldn't let me get involved at all except to cook all day.  I went in to the directors office and told her exaclty how I felt and she offered me a job there.  I said no and left that day. 
I then went on to enjoy the rest of the summer at the lovenest and had the grandkids up.  We had a ball at the beach together.  I realized how much I'm really hating it being so far away from them and missing so much of their growing up.
You know, I'm not one of those 'kid people'; I just don't like little kids that much, but my grandkids totally have my heart and I really love spending time with them.  Even after a week of a messy and noisy house, I still don't want them to go.
So, at the end of the summer we had to make a discision as to where we wanted to live.  We ended up back in Toronto, not far from NAi Hubby's mother.  Which was handy.  We were able to have her over all the time for dinner and now that Holly was driving, she would take her shopping and she loved having a 'grand daughter' as much as Holly liked having a grandmother.  Mom spoiled Holly silly and even paid her tuition into pastoral college.  I was floored.  That was so generous of her.  Anyway, Holly was definately her favourite person on the planet.
So, Ashley, Rob and the kidlets came down for the Chistmas holidays and Holly went back with them to spend some time with her sister.  She ended up staying there for nearly all of January and kept phoning and saying that she wished that we would move back to our old area to be near Ashley and the kids.  I didn't think Holly would ever want to go back there again.  I was telling NAI Hubby this and he suddenly said, 'O.k., let's move there.'  I was stunned.  I would never want to live in this scuzzy little town again but the area is gorgeous and I actually missed it.
So, Holly and Ashley were thrilled that we would live close together finally, as that's what we had planned all along, but Rob is a small town boy and Toronto just wasn't for him.(and I didn't blame him!)  So, Holly came back home to help pack and I went out to Ashley's house to look for a place to live.  I was there for about two weeks when Hubby called and said that they had to take his mother into the hospital with stomach pain.  I was quite worried, but not overly as she was a pretty healthy 72 year old woman.  She was still living in her own house and was very indepenent.
The next day Hubby called to say that her bowels were leaking and she was toxic and they would need to go in and repair the leak.  I knew then it was very serious.  I told Hubby I should come home and he said not to because the Dr.'s felt they could fix it.
After the operation, she had one good day then one bad, and it went on that way for a few days.  She began to have respiratory distress and very quickly things went downhill from there.  My poor Hubby called me in hysterics last monday pleading for me to get home a.s.a.p.  I have never heard Hubby like that before and it really freaked me out.  I felt desperately helpless.  I grabbed my insulin, a few meds and Ashley and I hit the road.  I was so afraid I would not get there in time.  And I really didn't want my Hubby to have to go through this alone.  Plus, I wanted to see this precious lady one more time.  She was so good to me.  I just felt sick when we started on our journey home.
Ashley doesn't have her full liscence yet, so she is not allowed to drive on major hiways, so we had to take a slower secondary highway from just outside Ottawa to Toronto.  On a regular highway, it would take about 5 hours.  It was all good going up until Kingston, the halfway point.  We suddenly were hit by a blizzard so bad, we had to drive at a crawl.  Ashley is a good driver, so neither of us was worried, but we knew this was going to be a very looooong drive home.  I was praying for two things, 1- We would get there safely and 2- We would get there in time. 
Then it got dark and Ashley was having a terrible time seeing.  She couldn't tell what part of the road was the part we should be driving on.  It was not busy, but there were still some cars coming towards us on the other side.  I could tell Ashley was a bit nervous.  And with my eyes, I could barely see Ashley, never mind the road.  There were two cars coming towards us and Ashley turned the wheel just slightly to make sure we were on our own side when we suddenly spun out in front of the two oncoming cars.  And just as suddenly, the car spins around and we end up in the ditch on our side of the street, with our front tires totally in the ditch.  We were missed by just a hair by these two cars.  When we finally came to a stop. Ashley was completely unhinged.  She was shaking so badly I thought she was going to have a nervous breakdown.  Nof one of those two cars stopped to see if we were alright; they just kept on driving.  Great, out in the middle of nowhere, blizzard conditions, no clue where we even were, and my kid's falling apart beside me.  Hmmm, what to do.  Finally I asked Ashley if the car was a front wheel drive.  She was still in a panic and said she couldn't remember.  Finally, a guy that was behind us stopped and came over to the car.  I asked him if he knew if our car was a front wheel drive and he said yes.  I asked him where we were and he mentioned a Native Reserve.  He said he'd go back to his car and call for help.  I'm thinking tow trucks and hassles etc. so I told Ashley to just floor it and we'd get out of there.  She did and voila, we were out.  What really had her shaken up was that she's afraid of the airbags in the car.  She is a very tiny girl and has to sit pretty close to the wheel to reach the pedals.  She has heard so many stories about the airbags going off on small people and really injuring them.
O.K. Back on the road....30 K/H....sometimes 20 K/H...poor Ashley, and the weather was getting worse with every kilometer.  And she was very freaked out because she had barely touched the wheel and wasn't even near the break and we spun so bad.  It freightened her that it could happen again at any time for no reason.
So, we're crawling and up ahead we see a bunch of cop cars etc. and there was an officer standing in the middle of the road stopping cars.  We thought it might be a R.I.D.E. program so we stopped and the officer said there was a huge accident just ahead and we'd have to take the major highway past the accident.  So we turned around and Ashley is freaking because she isn't even liscenced for the big highway.  But we have no choice.  I tell her she'll do fine, just go slower and just make it to the very first cut-off which shouldn't be too far away.  It sounded good in theory but I didn't think of one thing.  The trucks!!  They were zooming by at well past the speed limit and it was blowing us (at 30k/h on a 100k/h road) Everytime a truck or any other vehicle could be seen in her rearview mirror, Ashley would immediately pull over until the coast was clear.  Sometimes it was every 20 feet.  Then she'd pull over and cry.  She was so scared.  It took us nearly an hour to get to the next cut-off.  And the weather was just getting worse.  I felt terrible I had got Ashley into this mess.  She was a wreck.
We finally got to a gas station in the middle of nowhere and called home.  Poor Hubby was worried sick.  He had even called Ashley's house just after we left to say don't leave, there's a storm coming.  So, I promised to phone every two hours or so.  Altogether, it took us 16 hours to do a five hour drive.  We then went straight to the hospital.
Mom was in a private room and she was asleep most of the time, as they had her on a morphine drip.  She seemed happy to see me and I told her I loved her.
Very long story, just a little shorter....Mom died on Saturday.  I was the only one there when she took her last breath.  God Rest her soul...
The memorial will be on this coming Saturday. And I have no underwear...
So, we are staying in her house right now until everything is done and then we are gone for good.  Hoooray!!!  I really hate the city and will be glad to see the back of it.
Well, I'm exhausted and have a cold, the second one this new year!?  So I'll write after the memorial on Saturday.
Again, forgive my lengthy absence.  I'll try to do better.  Lots of new things up ahead for us, so I'll keep you posted.
Forsythia, thank you for your patience with me.  I hope you're good.

Life At The Youth Shelter...

Well, it has been an interesting week! Didn't get many hours in this week at the shelter, and to be honest, I felt like walking out on the first day.
I only worked for 4 hours on Monday and it felt like an eternity. What did they have for me to do?? Supervise lunch, make sure the kids did their chores...then nothing really. I just wandered around basically asking if I could help out. Sure, I could clean out a large room full of donated goods, which would only take about 3 weeks if I hurried. I was very dissappointed to say the least. I did not pay $14,000 for an education to be the lunch lady or the cleaner. Not to mention, morning is not my friend and to be there by 8 or 8:30 a.m. was a fate worse than death. I've been used to the afternoon shift for years. And to make matters worse, they only wanted me to come in that early to make breakfast!! No way...this is a 24 - 7 shelter and I decided to talk to her (the administrator) about doing afternoon shifts. After all, I'm free help and they can take advantage of that to a point, but I should be able to make my own hours. I decided to talk to the lady about it the next day.
When I got there Tuesday morning, one of the kids was standing outside, looking like 'ordered but not picked up', so to speak. She informed me that the shelter was completely on lock-down until 5p.m. and nobody could get in until then. It would have been nice to have been told this, but I wasn't. The poor girl was stuck standing outside for the rest of the day, and it was hot. We ended up driving her to a friends house. I realized that this was probably breaking some kind of rule, but too bad. I couldn't just leave her out there.
Now I was really annoyed.
I didn't go in on Wednesday, but gave them a call. She apologized for not informing me of the meeting. I told her that I would be busy until Friday, because frankly, I was pissed off. I said I would give her a schedule and would she mind if I worked the afternoon shift. She said, (thankfully) that would be fine. O.K. I was happy with that.
I decided I would work from 1 to 7p.m., Monday to Friday and a few times a week, go and help out in the various programs they have in the evening, such as Anger Management, AA and NA. That would fill in the rest of my hours. She is fine with that. Praise the Lord!!
Today I went in with some trepidation, as I did not want to be stuck in the kitchen all day again. I was thinking as I walked in, 'Be assertive, Tory. Insist on them teaching you the ropes!!' O.K. So, after I made the evening snacks, (a fruitbowl and dip), and being told I would be resposible for them every day, (crap!) I went to the front line and told one of the women, 'O.K., teach me about the intake process!' And she did!! I then read some of the residents files and spent some time talking to the kids themselves, one on one, in a casual kind of way. It was great! They were so willing to tell me about themselves, which I was surprised at. I thought they would be hesitant to speak to a newcomer. But, for each and every one I spoke to, my heart broke for them. Sad, sad, sad.
But all in all, it was a really good day. I'm so glad, as I really thought I would have to look for another placement. Something usefull, but today I believe was useful and I'm very happy.
I'm tired tonight, because I was getting used to my life of leisure at the 'love nest.' I don't work tomorrow, but on Sunday evening I'm going to help out at the NA (narcotics anonymous) meeting. I'm really looking forward to that. It is an open meeting and is mostly made of people from the community, not too many kids from the shelter go there. It will be a great learning experience.
Other than that, not much else is new. I'm still waiting to hear from the interview I did on Tuesday to see if they want me to do counseling for them. I hope they do.
That's it for now.
Take care.

Well, hello all. Been so busy this summer, but no excuses for not blogging. But I'm back. A lot has happened, so it may be a long read.
We're up at the love nest, and are having a wonderful time. I was supposed to have found my co-op before June 9th but it was impossible in such a small town, so it took me awhile and today I have started working in a youth shelter run by the Salvation Army. Not the area I'm looking to work in full time, but perfect for experience, you know how unpredictable kids can be. They are between the ages of 16 - 25. Should be interesting.
Tomorrow I have a interview to do Christian Counseling at the Salvation Army Church, part-time. That's going to be fun. So, my dreams seem to be coming true and by the time we get back to Toronto, in the fall, I will be ready to take a full-time post somewhere. Yay!!
Ashley and the grandbabies came up for a week 2 weeks ago. They are getting so big and I miss them so. Would you believe Scarlett is 2 already? And yesterday was Ariel's 7th birthday. We had a lot of fun and spent most of the time at the beach.
Beach, Beach and more Beach seems to be the theme this summer. NAI hubby had 2 weeks vacation and he, Holly and I went to a terrific beach about an hour from here. It was so beautiful but even with sun block, we all got a little too much sun. However, the next day while we were in the food store, Holly suddenly exclaimed, 'OMG, what's wrong with you?' I was going to tell her, 'My mother had DID, I'm riddled with anxiety, my ex screwed me around for 20 years and my feet hurt.', however that's not what she meant. My face had swollen to twice it's size around my forehead and nose. Holly, being the compassionate and loving daughter that I raised her to be, then started yelling, 'You're the Elephant Man!, which made NIA hubby walk away from us. Sigh....
We were going to go back to the beach the next day, but when I woke up I was still very swollen. Plus, just to top it all off, poor hubby had the beginnings of cellulitis which is quite serious. So, off to the hospital hubby and I went, hoping for a group rate. Poor hubby had to go back to the hospital for 3 days straight for I.V. antibiotics. As for me, they think it's an allergy, but have put me on antibiotics for a sore on my head. What a way to end poor hubby's holidays. Plus, we had made a big picnic for the beach for nothing. We ate macaroni salad, tomato salad and sandwiches for 4 days. Ugh..
I had my 51st birthday in July, (don't tell anyone) and I think it was the best birthday I've ever had. It was perfect in every way. NIA hubby and Holly outdid themselves this year and I felt very special..and old..
Anyway, it was wonderful and I must be getting old because I find myself reflecting on how great my life is these days. I really do. I'm overly blessed and soooo happy. All my relationships are excellent and satisfying. No stress in my life at all even with my new 'elephant man' look. Actually, it's getting better. At least my new boss didn't run screaming from the office, which could have been fun.
So, (I know I always say this, but) I will be blogging more often from now on as I would like to keep a journal, of sorts, about the early days of my new career, so I can look back and laugh at myself and how unsure I am at this point. And to see how much I learn and grow. But don't worry, I won't make it too boring, I promise.
Gosh, I've missed writing this blog. It has been great having it to just jot down the crap that goes through my head. I guess you all know that.
I'll write again tomorrow and let you know how I made out at work and at the interview.
Take care and thanks for hanging in with me.
Love,

P.S. I will post new pics of grandbabies on photo blog.